Need Help Choosing a Book? Have I Got the Thing for You!

I love my local library. I really do. But, their web presence is a bit...less than ideal. Every time you want to do anything you need to re-log-in, with a lengthy numerical screen name and PIN and the search function is often quite disappointing. But, now I have discovered "E Z PICK". Presumably, E Z PICK will help me find a book in some sort of loose topic area, if I ever for some reason all I want is a book in a loose topic area.

There are general categories, like these:

And, after choosing a general category, there are tons more exciting choices awaiting you. One of my favorite sections is Computers. Did you know that the World Wide Web is literally a web that's wider than the WORLD?

I really hope I never get the kind of computer virus that makes the entire room glow red. But, at least if I do, I can check out the Computer Repair section and learn how to take a screwdriver to that series of red lasers that are what computers are made of.

E Z PICK has a little something for everyone. Looking for a date? It's got singles.

And, if you need some brushing up on your skills as things progress, fear not! There is a section for that:

That guy kinda looks like Cyclops from the X-Men movies. God, he was such a douche.

Anyway, if you need something to do on your date, check out these areas:

Who doesn't want to arm wrestle a child, juggle a baseball, a tennis ball, and a basketball, and then play word games with a cat and a hat? No one, that's who. And before you go out, be sure to fix up your car, get that $2 haircut, and study up on appropriate "Conduct of Life" (huh??).

Just stay away from werewolves, whatever you do. They're not all sexy like in Twilight, yo. Wait, is that kid old enough for me to say that about him? I think so, right? Whatever. He can't parade around without a shirt on all the time looking all six-pack-y and expect me not to say anything...

Actually, they kind of look like a painting of a cat over top of a picture of a person...

Other things I learned from E Z Pick: retirement looks a lot like being homeless, training animals means shoving them really hard, breast feeding is popular, and god is a pair of psychedelic blue-green hands.

50 Books in 2011: An Object of Beauty

Book #7 for 2011: Steve Martin's latest, An Object of Beauty. Martin was recently in the news for a speaking engagement tied to this book where people thought his interview was boring and demanded refunds. He was apparently asked in the middle of the interview to liven it up. Having read the book now, I can see how hearing him discuss it without the benefit of reading it might have been a bit esoteric for people's tastes, but, still, wtf?

This was my third fourth Steve Martin book (Shopgirl, The Pleasure of My Company and his autobiographical Born Standing Up) and I've enjoyed them all. His characters (including himself) are quite interesting and enjoyable to read about. Also, there were pictures!

Reality-TV-cap: RuPaul's Drag Race

RuPaul's Drag Race is back for its third season and if you aren't watching it, you're missing out. I mean, come on, this show has EVERYTHING:

Puns:

Buns:

and tons of fun:

Annnd that's enough of that rhyming crap, but, there's much more to love about Drag Race:

Big fake boobs!

Religion!

Nip slips!

THIS.

THIS:

Plus, it's educational!

And, of course, RuMotherFuckingPaul:

50 Books in 2011: Harry Potter & the Sorcerer's Stone

Thanks to the magical (get it?) properties of Twitter and Facebook, I have pledged to (re-)read all of the Harry Potter books before the release of the final movie in July. Obviously, first up was Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, which became my 6th book of the year. I've noticed that other people who do the 50 books thing note "re-read" as applicable, but I assume they still count them toward the total. I'm certainly going to--I don't think it took any less effort/time to read just because I'd also read it a few years ago.

It's always crazy how much of a book I can manage to forget. I'd forgotten how annoying Hermione is to everyone (including me) at the beginning of the book and how long it actually takes her to find a place for herself. Also, dang, Draco is pretty free-flowing with his racism (is that the appropriate term for the whole Muggle blood/pure blood discrimination thing?). I'm used to thinking of Draco in a rather different way since my last exposure to him was Deathly Hallows, Pt 1.

25 Movies to See Before Oscar Night: Update III

Current tally: 14/25



Winter's Bone
I didn't know much about this before seeing it, but I'd been hearing about how good it is for months. I think all the buzz about it took away from it a little bit. It moved a bit slow for me and I had a bit of trouble following who the various characters were, but the acting was really good. The sort of extreme struggles of lower-class Americans theme was better done (for me) in Frozen River a few years ago.



How to Train Your Dragon
I'm glad this was on this list, because I don't think I would've watched it otherwise. I was very pleasantly surprised. I liked it more than Toy Story 3. I wish it had a chance of winning, but I'm pretty sure it does not. The main dragon was amazingly adorable and the story was good. Plus it had McLovin' (fine, Christopher Mintz-Plasse) and Craig Ferguson. I was a little taken aback by how casually they dealt with a difficult ending.



Tangled
This one did not particularly impress me. It was decent, but not fantastic. The villain was just too annoying for me to take, even in small doses. I know villains have to be villains and all, but it was just too much. Every single sentence coming out of her mouth was obnoxious. If I were Rapunzel I think I'd have tried to kill her years ago. The best character was the chameleon. Aside from the chameleon, my favorite characters were Rapunzel's parents, who we only see for a few moments. I had problems letting go of my disbelief about the physics of the whole thing--I'm cool with her hair being magic or whatever, but how the hell can she hold her head up with like 50 feet of hair, let alone let people climb it and use it as a rope to swing across chasms? The romance part was nice, though.


(Previous movies after the jump)

50 Books in 2011: Sterling's Gold

Unless I end up reading a lot of really, really bad books in the next 11 months, this is going to end up on my list of disappointments for the year. I shouldn't even count it in my reading list, as it took me all of 15 minutes to read, but, I'm still gonna, so, Book #5: Sterling's Gold; Wit & Wisdom of an Ad Man by Roger Sterling.

This book is "written" by a character from Mad Men. An interesting and amusing character from Mad Men. However, the book consists of no more than 2 sentences per page, in cutesy little borders and fonts and the few sentences that are there are just random things that Roger Sterling said on the show. Not necessarily great/interesting/amusing things, just things.

Example: "I don't know if you were drunk or not drunk, but that was inspired".

What was inspired? Who was drunk or not drunk? Granted, I'm sure everyone reading this book has seen the show so they might remember it, but, seriously? This is "wit and wisdom"?

Here's another one: "Now if the adults can weigh in?"

WEIGH IN ON WHAT? How is this useful in any way with NO context?

Really, the few that are worthwhile are the ones that you can read just by looking at the dust jacket. But, instead, just watch the show and forget that this book exists.

I shouldn't have expected much to begin with, and, honestly, I didn't expect a TON, but I expected it to take more than a few minutes to read. And I expected the quotes to make some sort of sense. On the show, Roger Sterling records a bunch of stories to prepare to write this book; where are those? If they didn't want to include them because they'd spoil future episodes or they didn't want to bother creating new stories to have enough to fill a book with them, they really just shouldn't have bothered.

Blah.

At least I didn't buy it.

50 Books in 2011: A Million Little Pieces

Book #4 of 2011: A Million Little Pieces by James Frey.

I've been curious about this for awhile, but never enough to pick it up until now. Now being the time I went to Half-Price Books and saw it for like $1 and figured, "Why not?"

25 Movies to See Before Oscar Night: Update II

Current tally: 11/25



Alice in Wonderland
I hadn't really heard anything great about this, so I was surprised it was on the list. My guess is that it may be nominated for some visual stuff, but no acting, writing, or directing awards. I liked it more than I thought I would, but still not all that much. The quirky supposed-to-be-humorous parts didn't really work for me, but the more dramatic parts did. I did feel for the Hatter, for example, but his little celebration dance and, especially, Alice doing the dance back in her own world, just seemed stupid.




Black Swan
Darren Aronofsky, despite his silly mustache, is one of my favorite directors. His films are often far from fun to watch (Requiem for a Dream, anyone?), but they always make you feel something. There were a few moments where I wasn't sure what he was thinking, but overall, I thought it was pretty awesome. Pleased that Natalie Portman won a Golden Globe last night for her performance.



Blue Valentine
It seems as though each awards season brings, in addition to one period piece, one film about the disintegration of a marriage. This is that film this year. I'm not sure why modern filmmakers are so obsessed with making me doubt the institution of marriage, but at least they seem to be working really hard to make good films while they're at it. I'm not sure I cared as much about the couple as I was supposed to, but certain moments hit very hard. Plus, it's hard not to care about Ryan Gosling.

(Movies from my last update after the jump!)

50 Books in 2011: The Ghost Writer

Book #3 of 2011: the Ghost Writer. I read this for two reasons: 1) I'd seen the movie and was curious if the ending of the movie was the same as the ending of the book and 2) It was very cheap at Borders when I happened to be there a few weeks ago. This is not the kind of book I'd usually pick up on a whim--I tend to only go for mysteries when they can't be ignored (Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, etc.).

The ending was, in fact, different than the Polanski film. I can't say I'm 100% pleased with either version, but the book pleased me a little more in that regard.

I am really not finding much to say about it, but I suppose it has just been eclipsed emotionally by my previous Mockingjay read and my current Million Little Pieces read.

Ad Absurdum: Trojan Triphoria

Was gonna hold off on this until I had a non-commercial-based post, buuuut that might be a few days and I couldn't withhold this from you for that long, could I?

I was watching TV a couple weekends ago and saw this commercial during EVERY commercial break. And I'm not talking about 1 a.m. on Saturday night; I'm talking about noon.



Advertising for condoms and vibrators can't be easy, buuuuuut is this the best they could do? I'm no connoisseur of bridal showers, but I really hope that if I ever have one it does not go like this. I mean, if I were to put a vibrator on my registry, I hope my friends would have the decency to mark it off as purchased so every freaking person didn't buy it. I also hope I'm not marrying a guy who is that excited that his fiancée got three vibrators.

Ad Absurdum: Geico

This one's been around for a little while, but it's definitely still airing. In fact, while working on this post, it played several times in my Hulu window. And, judging from the YouTube comments on it, I'm not alone in my interpretation of it...



Is there any other way to interpret this than that this lady fucked a gecko in 2003 in Toledo? And that said gecko's name was Stanley? And that he never called her again?

Or am I supposed to assume the slightly less (actually maybe more?) disturbing scenario that she slept with a really, really weird looking dude who could be mistaken for a gecko "from behind"? And HE never called her again?

Who has one night stands on business trips to Toledo and then holds a grudge about it 7-8 years later, anyway?

And don't even get me started on how sex with a gecko would work...Seems like one party or the other would definitely leave unsatisfied from that encounter. Wait, is that it? She fucked that gecko and he didn't get the job done? Still, 7-8 years is a long time to be salty about that...

My only hope is that this is part of a planned slow revelation that the GEICO gecko is not who we think he is. He's actually "Stanley", grifter gecko. Traveling around the world having creepy one night stands with weird ladies and posing as an insurance spokesman while scamming people out of their money to support his lavish gecko lifestyle.

Until more of that story comes to light, can you just stick to showing the Antiques Roadshow "a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush" ad? Hell, I'll even take the woodchucks chucking wood and the R. Lee Ermey one.

25 Movies to See Before Oscar Night: Update

Current tally: 8/25



The Social Network
I saw the Social Network back in September...and again in October. As this probably indicates, I really liked it. I would be totally happy with it winning Best Picture (for now, anyway--perhaps something else on the list will impress me). I wasn't sure I'd like it, since I practically hated Benjamin Button, but it definitely more than won me over. It might have helped that Facebook has been more significant in my life than I should admit since 2006, but mostly I just think that Fincher knows how to make a good story and the stars knew how to act.



Inception
It's been awhile since I saw this, too. In addition to deserving recognition for the acting and the excellent visuals, I appreciate how the very concept of the movie was a novel one. While dreams are always a possible subject for ambitious film-makers, this one definitely took it to new places. I'm also not sure I could dislike anything where Joseph Gordon-Levitt has a fight scene that takes place in a room that keeps spinning/flipping.






The Fighter
I have read about how they tried to make everyone seem realistic (it is based on a true story, after all), but I still feel as though the gaggle of sisters were a bit of a caricature (Sorry if you're really like that, ladies). I don't think this deserves any screenplay awards, and I doubt it'll really be in the running for directing, but Christian Bale deserves a Supporting Actor award. And, yes, I liked Marky Mark Wahlberg. Say hi to your mother for me.




Toy Story 3
I didn't love this as much as it generally seems to be loved, but it was definitely good and, of course, I wept heartily. I have a feeling it would have been a little better if I remembered more details of Toy Stories 1 and 2. Frankly I'm not even sure I've seen Toy Story 2. For some reason, I just don't have the love affair with Pixar that everyone else seems to have. I appreciate their work, but it's not a given that I'll see something they make (I've never seen Cars, Monster's Inc, or even Finding Nemo). I'm really not sure why. Overall, I prefer Wall-E.