50 Books in 2011: One Day

Book #23 of 2011: One Day by David Nicholls. The premise here is that each chapter covers July 15th across a series of years.

I have seriously mixed feelings about this. I know, I say that about pretty much everything, but for serious, you guys. On one hand, it's fairly realistic and plausible and all that, and it's nice in a (supposed) romance that it be something you can buy into.

On the other hand, the characters were a bit annoying and, again, while their foibles were mostly realistic, it was not particularly enjoyable to read about interactions with, say, a really annoyingly not funny comedian boyfriend who is obviously wrong and should just go away, or a marriage to a complete stuck-up bitch or...[SPOILERS AHEAD]

Reality-TV-cap: RuPaul's Drag Race S3E13

Technically--according to Logo TV--this was episode 15, but I don't think a casting special and a clip show should count. So, 13 it is. I'd try to match the numbers, but, I have a feeling no one gives a shit. It's not like millions of people are searching for these recaps and getting confused when the numbers don't match...

After some chit chat in the workroom (where Raja claims to respect Alexis now and I almost believe her), our final three ladies are told that their challenge will be a role in RuPaul's new music video, Champion. My hopes for Alexis rose a little at this--there is dancing involved and neither Manila nor Raja can dance AT ALL.

Let's talk about the choreographer.

What the fuck is he wearing? Is there a butt flap hiding in that fabric somewhere? Did he just find a big red piece of fabric, tuck a corner into each shoe, and then wrap the rest around himself? Did he, more likely, pay like $5,000 for this "ensemble"?

Filming in the Gaps: the Graduate

I'd been told to see this by a friend back when I graduated from college (we'll just say that was "awhile" ago) and unfortunately I was never greatly motivated to do so. Nothing about the whole "Mrs. Robinson" or "Plastics" stuff that tends to get mentioned in connection to the film had really made it seem like something I needed to see, I guess.

What is up with the women in this movie and their screaming? I don't think I've ever had an interaction with anyone where I just let loose a scream, and yet it happens at least 3 times in this movie for a variety of reasons. Granted, I might change my tune if my boyfriend said he'd been sleeping with my mother, but still.



Plot-wise I'd expected it to be more about him figuring out what to do with his life and less about the girl. The pacing was unusual to me for some reason, but I got used to it and I enjoyed the humor. And, most importantly, I now have a point of reference for about 10 Simpsons episodes and this:

50 Books in 2011: Water for Elephants

Book #22 of 2011: Water for Elephants by Sarah Gruen.

The movie previews and general buzz about this story did not prepare me for the heaviness of it--the 93-year-old Jacob tells us the story from his prison of a nursing home in the present and his story in the past doesn't start out any more pleasantly. But, luckily, things cheer up...a bit...and I ended up enjoying the story quite a lot.

50 Books in 2011: Be Ready When the Sh*t Goes Down

Book #21 of 2011: Be Ready When the Sh*t Goes Down; a Survival Guide to the Apocalypse by Forrest Griffin.

I picked this up because I read his prior book, Got Fight? and found him to be funny and interesting. And for whatever reason, he's one of my favorite MMA fighters (Yes, I watch MMA and have for almost two years now). As with that book, I had mixed feelings. Not really about the book, by which I was amused, but by how I would be perceived for reading it. The cover of this book, as you can kind of see above, is Forrest Griffin wearing only a loin cloth (possibly held up with duct tape) while holding what I assume to be a fake knife and a stuffed squirrel. In other words, it's ridiculous. And the contents are no less so.

On the plus side, I figured people would be less likely to try to interact with me on public transport if they saw that I was reading a book with illustrations showing how to hold a gun (BTW, he's wearing an Under Armour shirt, underwear, and socks in these illustrations). On the minus side, I don't really want to commute with people who have seen me looking at an illustration of how to make a masturbatory aid with a towel, a rubber glove, string, and some lube.

Always Wanted to Shave Richard Branson's Legs?

Well now you can!

Oh, what's that? No one ever, ever wanted to do that?

Well someone's still going to get to!

Let's try that again. Have you always wanted to watch someone shave Richard Branson's legs?

Still no? No one wants to do that either, let alone while trapped in an airplane with whichever passenger bid a few hundred grand for the privilege of shaving Richard Branson for the next 18 hours or so?

Well, lots of people are going to get to!

Apparently Richard Branson bet some other rich guy with an airline that his racing team would do better than the other guy's team at some race or something. Richard Branson lost, and his punishment for losing? Why, to be a (female) flight attendant for a flight on the other airline, of course. I guess once you've got all the money you could ever want (and more), and everything normal people want in life seems pedestrian, seeing a man in a dress is the only thing that will lift your spirits and keep you from jumping out of your millionth-story office building while leaving everything you own to your cat still hilarious.

And, apparently, for the class of people just below them, seeing a man in a dress is $7,300-worth of hilarious. Actually, I guess the flight itself is probably worth a grand or two. So, seeing a man in a dress is equivalent to around $5,300. You think it's round trip, at least? (It's not.)

The winner of the bet (Tony Fernandes) is quoted as saying, "As an AirAsia flight attendant, Richard would have to comply to our grooming standards, and that includes shaving his legs. Rather than shave him myself, Richard and I thought we could have a bit of fun, engage with our guests and raise more money for charity if we opened up the opportunity to the highest bidder."

I like that the alternative to someone paying to shave him was for Tony himself do it. Why wouldn't the go-to idea be for Richard Branson to shave his own damn legs?!?

50 Books in 2011: Outliers

Book #20: Outliers; The Story of Success by Malcolm Gladwell.

I have a feeling that the author did not intend for me to feel a bit like "Well, if I'm not one of the lucky ones, I guess I might as well just say 'Fuck it.'", but I definitely felt that way a few times while reading it. Success seems to have a lot to do with when you were born. And then having a lot of lucky things happen to you, including a lot of time to practice whatever it is you're going to do.

Apparently there's some sort of magic number of hours of practice that will lead to mastery. That number is 10,000. So, if you set aside an hour a day to work on something, you'll master it 27 years later. Awesome.

So, check back for some really good blogging around the year 2040.

You know, assuming the planet is still here and has people on it and those people are using the "internet" to look at "blogs".

In the meantime, be disturbed by the fact that a lot of planes have crashed largely because the co-pilot was too polite to get the pilot to change course or communicate effectively with the air traffic controllers. And after you get over that, read some Malcolm Gladwell. Preferably not What the Dog Saw, because the three others are all much better.

Target: the Miss Manners of Our Time

Tired of buying wine, chocolate, candles, and picture frames for your hostesses? Well, those days are over, and not just because no one really buys hostess gifts like they used to. For only $9.99, you can get a gift your hostess will LOVE: a Bourne movie DVD. Your hostess will remember this thoughtful gesture for YEARS. Or until she gets a Blu-Ray.

Also, Wanted is there, but I'd totally go with one (or more!) of the Bournes. Matt Damon > whoever the heck is in Wanted.

And yes, I did actually know that it was James McAvoy, but it sounded better that way, okay?

Reality-TV-cap: RuPaul's Drag Race S3E12

And we are back down to 4. Alexis, Yara, Manila, and Raja's mini-challenge: sell something from their drag wardrobes as a host on "RuVC" in 3 minutes.

Raja goes first. And sells her gaff. I had never heard this term before (except in for seeing 'gaffers' in the film industry, which I can only imagine have a much different role than this) and they clearly abandoned that nice vocabulary thing they did early in the season, but, luckily, she explains how the gaff would normally be on her genitals. Then...she puts it on her face. And, of course, this is when my father enters the room and wonders what the fuck I'm watching.

Filming in the Gaps: Cat on a Hot Tin Roof

It's been awhile since I filled in any of the many gaps in my film knowledge. My intent for the last few weeks (months?) was to watch Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, but, alas, it is no longer available instantly on Netflix. Luckily, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof was still there, so I chose that instead. I considered Gone with the Wind, but that's a commitment I wasn't quite ready for...

It took me a bit to get sucked into the world of Cat on a Hot Tin Roof--for some reason acting from a few decades ago seems rather different from acting today (not sure if that's a plus, a minus, or neither) and
I had a hard time wading through Elizabeth Taylor (Maggie the Cat)'s several rather rambly thickly southern accented (mostly) monologues that opened the film. Apparently I got used to it.

Despite the setting being hard to imagine in today's world (the ole southern family plantation; a group of 5 children who will sing or play songs on command), the story itself was still poignant. I've experienced some family drama concerning a relative's death with much less to fight over than a huge plantation and millions of dollars, so I'm surprised that Paul Newman falling over on his crutches like 8 times was as physical as things got.

Side notes:
I really want a dress like Elizabeth Taylor's:

And to work out my marriage with 1958 Paul Newman, then inherit a large plantation.

And slap that bitch of a sister-in-law.

     And that asshole doctor.

          And each one of those obnoxious children.

Discover the Movies You Love, Part II

Back in December, I was spending some time rating movies on Neflix (in other words, I was bored), and the entire suggestions list became populated by Princess Mononoke and Innerspace. This evening, it has happened again. Apparently, I can no longer rate movies on Netflix until I've watched The Stoning of Soraya M. and Happy Accidents. Especially Happy Accidents.

Dammit, I still haven't gotten around to watching Innerspace or Princess Mononoke!

P.S. Someone made a movie with Vincent D'Onofrio as the romantic lead?!? Sorry, but I've never gotten over him as the guy whose body got taken over by an alien in Men in Black...

Then again, Marisa Tomei's already played partner to Joe Pesci, so...

[Sorry, Joe.]

50 Books in 2011: I Found This Funny

Book #19 of 2011:  I Found This Funny; My Favorite Pieces of Humor and Some That May Not Be Funny At All, edited by Judd Apatow.

Overall, I'd say this was an average compilation. I think the not funny pieces outweighed the funny ones, which is fine, but not what I'd expect from the title. It was worth reading, but, of course, I can't read a collection of short stories without feeling as if some of them are just parts of stories and not really their own entities.

I suppose a smarter reader would have skipped over some of the stories, but, it's hard to feel strongly enough to quit something that's already only maybe 20 pages long. And I wouldn't feel like I could count it in my tally if I'd skipped chapters.

I'd read several of the pieces already--a Steve Martin selection from Born Standing Up, a few SNL sketches, a David Sedaris chapter, a Miranda July story. 

Of the things I hadn't read already, I especially liked Amy Bloom's contribution and one written by Apatow himself--a chronicle of the early days of Freaks & Geeks. And, of course, I appreciated Conan & Robert Smigel's TV pilot and the Dave Eggers story, and several others.

Reality-TV-cap: RuPaul's Drag Race S3E11

Shangela has left us, but we'll still have a top 5. Who will the judges bring back for another try?
Before we find out the answer, a really strange still from the opening sequence:

Once you're over that shock, it probably won't be very exciting to see...CARMEN!

The Heathers are pleased. I'm fairly pleased myself. I figured it wouldn't be Shangela since she literally just left, and I don't really miss any of the first few eliminees. Carmen's last effort was pitiful, but I still liked her a lot up 'til then. And she's such a fish.

Now that she's back, we head to the mini-challenge: a dunking booth. Each queen has two minutes to dunk the queen of their choice as many times as possible. Alexis fucking OWNS, dunking Yara an impressive 14 times. Yara (who gets Alexis back with 7) and Carmen are pretty good. Manila and Raja (who both dunk Carmen) SUCK. Lucky for Carmen, though she's still dunked twice.

Alexis wins and thus gets to choose the assignments for the main challenge--a drag makeover. They each get an athlete and have to turn him into their drag sibling.

Alexis assigns the athletes to the queens, giving the beefiest guys to Raja and Carmen and taking the Euro water polo player for herself.

The look of a masculine athlete who's just been asked if he's ever put his balls up above his penis:

Ad Absurdum: Whitmer's Lighting

 

Not only do I not enjoy the humor here, but they end with a terrible pun--Whitmer's Lighting, Where the Price is LIGHT! I'm surprised the guy isn't saying it with one of those rice paddy hats and pronouncing it "Whitmer's Righting, Where the Plice is Light!"

This guy thinks he's HILARIOUS. And apparently this lighting company is not the only one who agrees--he's also done spots for Bedford Nissan and Revol Wireless. Here's one (my "favorite") of the Nissan ones:



Seems like he's hoping to be like these guys.



I hadn't heard of them until this weekend, when I saw Dying to Do Letterman at the Cleveland International Film Festival. The directors/producers of the film mentioned their upcoming project, a show about these guys on IFC called Rhett and Link: Commercial Kings. A friend posted a link to one of their videos today, coincidentally, so I checked 'em out. The show should be interesting. Their stuff, if you're curious, is up here.

But enough of this chatter, I gotta go buy some lamps and a Nissan!

50 Books in 2011: Zombie Spaceship Wasteland

Book #18 of 2011: Zombie Spaceship Wasteland by Patton Oswalt.

I did not like this as much as I was expecting to. In addition to just generally being interested in reading it, a friend had suggested it to me as well, so I had high hopes. Unfortunately, I'm not as much of a sci-fi/horror/whatever geek as Patton (or my recommending friend), so some of the references were lost on me.

Though some of the strictly comedic interludes were amusing, I think I would have preferred it as just a funny memoir instead of the mix of bibliographic stories and really random joke chapters (old Hobo songs, fake greeting cards, joke wine list). I think the contrast between the chapters, along with their shortness, prevented me from ever getting really sucked into the book as I would have liked to.

It's also quite short. Nice for adding to the books-read tally, but disappointing nonetheless.

50 Books in 2011: Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire

Book #17 of 2011: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

Despite being a bit behind on my original self-imposed deadline for finishing this, it turns out I'm pretty on track--3 months left to finish the 3 remaining books in the series before the final film comes out in July.

Re-reading this one was interesting because, though I remembered the general gist of the key plot twist, I couldn't remember who exactly was involved/how exactly it worked, so it still held some mystery as I was reading.

Random thought snippets:
Cedric Diggory's dad is an asshole.
Cornelius Fudge is a bigger asshole.
Percy Weasley is a douchebag.
So is Ludo Bagman.
Fleur Delacour is a bitch (though she does tone it down a bit eventually).
This book has a lot (2?) of racism-based subplots. And neither of them is all that interesting to me. Maybe because I don't really like house elves (Racist!).
Couldn't Hermione straighten her hair every day in like 2 seconds with magic of some sort?