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50 Books in 2012: God, If You're Not Up There, I'm F*cked

2012-02-17T12:18:00.000-05:00

Book #6 of 2012: God, If You're Not Up There. I'm F*cked, Tales of Stand-Up, Saturday Night Live, and Other Mind-Altering Mayhem by Darrell Hammond.

There are two subjects that I like to read about that are often very closely intertwined: comedians and addiction. I did not realize that Darrell Hammond's book would involve both of these, but I suppose I should have guessed. Even had I guessed, though, I would not have been able to predict that the FIRST PAGE would make mention of him trying to cut off his own arm. I suppose that, since his characters on SNL were pretty much always impressions, it was impossible to get any sense of who he was, leading me to never really speculate much about his personal life. I just sort of thought of him as normal by default (though that is hardly what the default is for comedians...).

Anyway, the book was partly disturbing, partly amusing, mostly pretty interesting.

I think it could've used a better balance of focus--he tries to cover SNL, his childhood, his struggles, etc., which is great, but he perhaps covers small issues too much (LOTS of emphasis on time with Presidents) and some not enough (we get a very surface-level understanding of a lot of his life and I am rather curious about his sister's role in his life, which is hardly mentioned)--but it can't be easy to condense your entire life into a few hundred pages.

50 Books in 2012: Ready Player One

2012-02-17T11:55:00.003-05:00

Book #5 of 2012: Ready Player One by Ernest Cline.

I'd heard a lot of buzz about this last year from various sources and now I know why. I really really liked it and have a feeling it'll make a "Favorite Reads of 2012" list, if the world doesn't end in December AND I actually make myself write the list this year. It's the first book I've read in awhile where I was really excited to read it--"Oh crap, I have to get out of bed? Dammit. Wait, but I can read on the train!!!"

The general premise here is that it's the fairly near future (2044), and the creator of a massive online universe where everyone basically spends their entire lives (called the OASIS) has died. His will stipulates that whoever finds three keys, unlocks three gates, and then finds the Easter egg hidden in the OASIS will become his heir. Five years pass and no one has made progress, even the massive corporation that wants to find the egg themselves in order to monetize the previously free OASIS, but then our protagonist finds the first key, and all hell breaks loose.

It seems like most of the people who dislike it think the references are too much, but in the context of the story, they make sense. Does it make a SHITLOAD of pop-culture references? Yes. Does that make sense as part of the story? Yes. Are they all seamlessly placed? No, but nothing's perfect.

Cline is not the best writer. He's probably not destined to be remembered in a century or two for his lasting prose. But that didn't make the book any less enjoyable for me. Some negative reviewers have said that the book should be targeted to young adults. I've been known to read a young adult novel from time to time, so maybe that's true, but again, doesn't mean it's not enjoyable or even valuable as a book.

50 Books in 2012: the Marriage Plot

2012-02-17T11:19:00.001-05:00

Book #4 of 2012: the Marriage Plot by Jeffrey Eugenides

I've never read the Virgin Suicides, but enjoyed Eugenides' other prior novel, Middlesex, quite a bit.

The Marriage Plot focuses on the lives of Madeleine, Leonard, and Mitchell, as graduating college seniors in the 1980s.

.
.
.

Aaaand I started writing this forever ago and then let it languish in weird shitty outline purgatory.

I enjoyed the book a lot. It definitely did a good job of capturing certain aspects of the college experience. And by that I mean more about the kind of people who over-think everything and read a lot than, you know, partying and joining frats and whatnot.

Also an interesting glimpse into mental illness, both having it and living with someone who does.

#BillyZane

2012-02-14T10:55:00.000-05:00

50 Books in 2012: So Silver Bright

2012-01-27T16:01:00.003-05:00

Book #3 of 2012: So Silver Bright (Theatre Illuminata Act III) by Lisa Mantchev

I really loved the first book in this series and feel that the strongest parts of the series were the parts that took place at the theatre. Once the journey led outside the theatre walls, things got a little...out there. But, I guess that's just because I'm more knowledgeable about theatre characters than I am about...mythical bird-men and fire spirits...so the story was easier to follow within the theatre walls.

The main thing that I imagine most readers of the third book in this series are looking for is a resolution to the seemingly-ubiquitous-in-teen-literature love triangle. And, I guess that's what I got. Though not exactly to my liking, I can't deny that what Mantchev does to resolve it makes sense.

Basically, I highly recommend the first book. And you'll probably want to read the others. And you'll probably be okay with that decision at the end of it all. And even if you aren't, they're pretty short, so suck it up.

Also, mmmmmAriel.

50 Books in 2012: Deliriously Happy

2012-01-19T13:37:00.001-05:00

Book #2 of 2012: Deliriously Happy and Other Thoughts by Larry Doyle

I sought out this book after seeing a generally positive review on the AV Club, though not so much because they liked it as because I wasn't aware of it until then and I enjoyed his previous book, I Love You, Beth Cooper, which was made into a pretty lackluster film a few years ago.

I think...that I am not really the target audience of the book. Some of it amused me, some of it didn't (which is to be expected), but mostly it just seemed like he's coming from a place that I am not familiar enough with to enjoy its mockery--a place of adulthood, parenthood, etc.

And, aside from that, some of the material just felt stale or as if the joke had been made a few sentences ago but was still continuing to go on for a few pages.

I don't really like giving things letter grades, but I should probably give some indication, so, I give it a "meh" on a scale of "I Regret Reading This" to "Love!".

50 Books in 2012: That is All

2012-01-12T16:14:00.004-05:00

Book #1 of 2012: That is All by John Hodgman

This is the third (and final, supposedly) book in John Hodgman's series of...whatever these are ("complete world knowledge").

I think the second of the three was actually my favorite, but this one was still entertaining. The worst part of each of these is where he decides to put in a list of...things...that includes hundreds of entries. I usually laughed once every maybe 10 items on the list, which is just enough to still keep me thinking "When will this list END?"

Probably the best part of this was the small insets at the top of each page that made up a calendar from December 2011 until the end of the world. I don't want to ruin the plot, so I'll just say that parts of the story there were pretty awesome and some involved Jonathan Franzen and those two things are not mutually exclusive.

As expected, there's some weird, weird stuff in there and it doesn't always hit the mark for me, but if you like John Hodgman, weird stuff, and fairly frequent laughs (punctuated by the occasional annoying list), check it out.

60ish Books in 2011: Biggest Disappointments

2011-12-23T00:04:00.000-05:00

Over the course of my 60 books this year, there were, sadly, more than a few disappointments. Here are the ones that disappointed me the most:

Sterling's Gold: Wit and Wisdom of an Ad Man by "Roger Sterling"

Yes, I know, I should not have even thought that this might be good, I get that. But, it was just SO bad. One sentence for every 2 pages of the book, and the entire thing is less than 200 pages. And it's just random sentences said by Roger Sterling on Mad Men. UGH.

the Vampire Diaries: the Return: Nightfall by L.J. Smith

So, the first of these books was pretty good. The second one was also pretty good. The third one, while not ending as I would have personally wished, was still pretty good, too. Then, fans convinced the author to write a fourth one, which was pretty bad, and then, a long time later, another separate but related series, beginning with this, which is just awful. I think this book exists purely for profit. The perspective shifts just so that we can have a new series from another character's point of view, regardless of how little sense the story makes to get us there. What, all seems lost? Don't worry, now the main character has weird wings with crazy super powers out of nowhere, NBD. I hate giving up on a series, but, I have no intention of reading any more of these.

How the Soldier Repairs the Gramophone by Sasa Stanisic

It was just a slog for me, and it wasn't even that long. I can appreciate good time jumps and perspective shifts, but these just didn't work. I was often confused and It didn't help that I'm not super familiar with the whole breakdown of Yugoslavia, so I couldn't really comprehend exactly what was going on with the ethnic warfare. Some chapters were really good (and could basically stand alone), but as a whole, it didn't do much for me and I never found myself really wanting to keep reading it.

Kabul Beauty School: An American Woman Goes Behind the Veil by Deborah Rodriguez

This book is about a woman who goes to Afghanistan to teach women how to work in/operate salons. Giving poor women a means to earn an income--great. Doing this with basically NO knowledge of where you are going and the risks involved for the women who choose to learn--not so great. I guess maybe she still helped some people along the way, and she probably had good intentions, but it seems like she was pretty misguided. It sort of reminds me of missionaries going into unexplored territory and saying "Hey, we're totally going to HELP you!" and then maybe improving things a bit, but also ruining everything. I mean, at least get some damn Rosetta Stone software to learn a few key words and phrases first. COME ON.

I Found this Funny: My Favorite Pieces of Humor and Some That May Not Be Funny at All, edited by Judd Apatow

I did enjoy some of this, but it was long and the not funny outweighed the funny (at least for me) by a significant margin. Some of the pieces I liked the most were things I'd already read elsewhere (not Apatow's fault, but this is just about how it disappointed me, not how it'd disappoint anyone else), and only 2 or 3 others really worked for me. I would've liked it much more if the whole thing was just one of those funny essays/autobiographies people do so much of lately--the chapter about Freaks & Geeks was one of my favorites.

Other books that disappointed me:

Door Broke, Will Work for Food

2011-12-16T00:13:00.001-05:00

This was on the door to a scientific research building:

Unfortunately, I did not make it back to see if giving it food would indeed make it work.

Though I wish I'd've at least come back with a marker to add an N to both of those "broke"s...

God Bless!

59 Books in 2011: More Vampire Diaries

2011-12-15T23:00:00.000-05:00

Book #59 of 2011: the Vampire Diaries; the Return: Nightfall by L.J. Smith.

I had been warned ahead of time that this was bad. But, my general inability to give up on a series when I have pretty much any interest at all in the characters made me think that I should give it a try anyway. That was probably a mistake.

The first four of these books were out by 1992. This one was released in 2009. That extensive time period did not do the series any good. The characters have cell phones now, but also tend to use random foreign phrases for no reason whatsoever.

And, Elena,

[SPOILER ALERT]

brought back to life as a naked human of some sort at the end of the prior volume, is now some sort of weird human-spirit hybrid who can float and fly and, apparently bust out random wings with different skills that we only find out about during the final third of the book.

Meanwhile, the plot points required to shift the focus from Stefan to his less noble brother Damon seemed...designed only for that purpose and not to present a coherent narrative.

There are more books after this, but I think I am convinced to pretend otherwise.

58 Books in 2011: Damned

2011-12-15T22:30:00.000-05:00

Book #58 of 2011: Damned by Chuck Palahniuk.

Sigh.

I want to love your books, Chuck, I do. But you're making it difficult.

The short, choppy style I used to enjoy is now always formed around some sort of gimmick that ends up annoying the shit out of whoever tries to read it (Pygmy, anyone?)--in this case, a main character who ends any number of paragraphs with "Yes, I know that word" after stories containing endless variations of Slutty McSluttersons and Whorey VanDerWhores.

While I suppose some aspects of it were "edgy", the majority of the descriptions of hell and its...citizens? seemed cliched to me--Haha Kennedy's in hell, you guys.

It wasn't a total loss, but it's also nowhere near the best thing I've read this year.

57 Books in 2011: the Visible Man

2011-12-15T22:00:00.000-05:00

Book #57 of 2011: the Visible Man by Chuck Klosterman.

I've unfortunately found a trend of diminishing returns as I've read through Klosterman's non-fiction over the past year or two, but even with that trend, I've enjoyed each of his prior books, so here we are.

I saw him do a reading in Akron a month or two before reading it and, frankly, the reading did not convince me that I had to read it, but he's great to see and he spent most of the time just answering whatever random-ass questions people in the audience had.

Apparently the book did not leave a great lasting impression, since I forgot about it when I was piecing together the list of books I've finished over the past few months, but I did enjoy it at the time.

It's definitely an interesting concept. And, for a week or two afterward I found myself occasionally considering what an "invisible" man would see if he happened to have chosen me to observe. The interesting structural choice--it's told as a book written by the "invisible" man's psychiatrist, including transcripts from recordings of their sessions and her own additional narration. Or is she a psychologist? I never know the difference. She might even just be a counselor. Whatever.

Long story short, [Too late!] it was a decent read and a pretty good idea, at least.

56 Books in 2011: the Dolphin in the Mirror

2011-12-15T21:57:00.001-05:00

Book #56 in 2011: the Dolphin in the Mirror; Exploring Dolphin Minds and Saving Dolphin Lives.

I did enjoy this, but it seems a little disingenuous for it to be subtitled "Exploring Dolphin Minds and Saving Dolphin Lives". Yes, the author told the makers of the Cove that they should make the Cove, but aside from a reminder every once in awhile that we shouldn't hurt dolphins, the book was not really about that. And the first chapter is actually about a whale rescue.

As with many scientific books that aim to appeal to the general populace, there were moments when it wasn't super clear to a layman what or whom she was talking about. I can't and shouldn't be expected to be able to recognize which dolphin scientist you're talking about after one or two mentions. But, the actual experiments she described were pretty interesting--demonstrating that dolphins recognize themselves in mirrors, a key indicator of their consciousness.

Summary: Dolphins are smart, you guys. Stop hurting them for no good reason. I'm looking at you, Japan.

55 Books in 2011: Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

2011-11-28T13:39:00.001-05:00

Book #55 of 2011: Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? [And Other Concerns] by Mindy Kaling.

Frankly, I waited way too long to write anything about this, so all I really remember now is that I was amused. Amused enough that while bored at work I started reading it a second time rather than try to borrow something else to read or just wait it out (I was proctoring an exam at the time).

Could it have delved more into her actual life and career? Sure.

Was it pretty damn short? Yes.

Did either of those things really bother me while reading it? No.

I would've been disappointed if I'd pay twenty-whatever dollars for it, but I didn't.

54 Books in 2011: Welcome to My World

2011-11-28T13:16:00.001-05:00

Book #54 of 2011: Welcome to My World by Johnny Weir.

As someone who enjoys Johnny Weir, I enjoyed this book. If you don't enjoy Johnny Weir, you probably wouldn't enjoy this book.

There's nothing particularly earth-shattering about it, but I found it entertaining and at least a little bit informative about the more...political aspects of the US figure skating community, as well as Johnny's various antics throughout his skating career (injuring himself in a late-night drunken handstand competition with Evan Lysacek; feigning illness rather than change his costume to suit the officials...).

Yes, there could be more. I still don't have a good grasp of how the whole Nationals/Worlds/etc. schedules and qualifications and whatnot work, but would I really have enjoyed the book more if he'd explained all of that thoroughly? Not really.

And, if there's one thing to take away from Johnny Weir, it's to unapologetically be yourself, so even if you don't like his book, I'm sure he's okay with that.

50 Books in 2011: the Vampire Diaries

2011-10-26T16:16:00.002-04:00

Books #50, 51, 52, and 53: the Vampire Diaries (the Awakening, the Struggle, the Fury, and Dark Reunion) by L.J. Smith. These have a lot of similarities with the Twilight series, but, here's the thing--the first one of these came out TWENTY YEARS AGO.

Wikipedia (I know, I know) tells me that she wrote the first three and called herself done, then was pressured by readers into writing the fourth, which explains why it's kind of a cop out. Not that I'd have been super pleased with the ending of the third one being the end of everything, buuuuut I'd have sooner just had that end a little differently than add a fourth book just to "fix" what readers didn't like. The fourth one was basically a re-start button that took us back to the end of book two. Thanks?

Hell, that resolution is still better than the end of the Twilight series.

So, to sum up: similar to Twilight--better written/structured, still addicting.

For Angela

2011-10-26T16:03:00.001-04:00

During an extensive conversation about 90s music, a friend of mine said that when she first heard the Eve 6 song Inside Out, she thought the lyrics were, "Wanna put my Tenderheart in a blender." Tenderheart being one of the popular 80s Care Bears characters. So, on my sick day, I decided to finally slap together this for her: This probably would've been funnier in 1998 or so, but, hey, whatevs.

50 Books in 2011: Professional Idiot

2011-10-07T20:39:00.002-04:00

Book #49 of 2011: Professional Idiot: A Memoir by Steve-O (Stephen Glover).

While on the one hand, I don't really care what anyone thinks about what I read, on the other, I felt a little weird holding this book with Steve-O stapling himself on the front and a photo of his tattooed back on the back. Worse were the photo spreads including his pierced ass and him vomiting, buuuuut ya know, whatever.

I was interested in this for several reasons: 1) I am generally amused by Jackass 2) I am generally interested in addiction issues and 3) Why not?

Steve-O apparently had quite the lavish lifestyle as a youngster--his dad was way high up the Proctor & Gamble ladder. However, his mother, along with basically her entire family, was an alcoholic. And Steve-O began his long history of acting out for attention.

Anywho, it was a good read; I'm glad he's doing better; and it only really grossed me out once at the very end when telling me about getting "puker's block" on the set of Jackass:3D. I thought about posting the passage, but, it's just...too...gross.

50 Books in 2011: Sex on the Moon

2011-10-07T19:54:00.000-04:00

Book #48 of 2011: Sex on the Moon; the Amazing Story Behind the Most Audacious Heist in History by Ben Mezrich.

I'm not sure if Ben Mezrich is a household name, but two of his books have already been made into movies, one of which was quite highly acclaimed (21 and the Social Network, you can figure out which one is the highly acclaimed one).

I think that reading the Accidental Billionaires after having seen the Social Network was a detriment because, basically, I enjoy Aaron Sorkin and after seeing the story his way, it didn't seem all that impressive in book form (possibly the only time I've ever said I liked a movie more than its book basis).

Reading one of his books on its own, however, was pretty enjoyable, even though this dude seems to like to write about douchebags.

The, I guess, protagonist, is kicked out of his Mormon family after confessing to having pre-marital sex, then decides to follow his calling to become an astronaut. But, when he enters the NASA internship-type deal, he re-invents himself as a douchebag/idiot who thinks it's a good idea to sneak into the shuttle simulator and steal a bunch of moon rocks because NASA more or less considers them trash. Then thinks he should make a deal to sell the rocks pretty much right away to someone he met on the internet. Meanwhile, he's abandoned his wife in favor of a young girl he's known for all of five minutes.

[SPOILER ALERT:]

Long story short [Too late!], he manages to steal moon rocks from NASA. And gets caught like five seconds later when he tries to sell them. And his young girlfriend, who spurred him to do this, never talks to him again. Good job, guy.

I think there was some sort of resolution where he starts learning in prison and crap, but, whatever.

Basically, the lesson here is: DON'T STEAL SHIT FROM NASA.

50 Books in 2011: the Leftovers

2011-09-26T16:19:00.002-04:00

Book # 47 of 2011: the Leftovers by Tom Perrotta.

If you're not familiar with Tom Perrotta, he wrote Little Children, which became a film that was nominated for three Oscars, as well as Election (also a movie!), the Abstinence Teacher, and some other stuff that I know less about.

In addition to respect for his prior work, the premise of this book was really interesting--a "rapture" has happened, suddenly taking people from seemingly all walks of life, and now people are dealing with that (or trying to, anyway).

The novel's main focus is on a single family, but plenty of other neighborhood characters exist, too, from a woman whose entire family disappeared to a religious man on a quest to prove that the event was NOT the Biblical rapture by showing that everyone who disappeared was a bad person. And, of course, the faith healer who takes away people's pain...and sleeps with young girls to fulfill the "prophecy" about "his future savior son".

It was an engaging window into how different people deal with sudden tragedies and makes you wonder which path you would take.

Plus, there's the usual Tom Perrotta regular suburban people's relationship dynamics stuff.

50 Books in 2011: Writing Movies...

2011-09-13T17:58:00.001-04:00

Book #46 of 2011: Writing Movies for ~~Fun and~~ Profit; How We Made a Billion Dollars at the Box Office and You Can, Too!.

I interrupted my attempt at reading the World Without Us (part of my "read all the books that've been languishing on my shelves for years" project) when this came in at the library. I should probably return to it, but I'm not sure I will.

This book would probably have been better if I really wanted to write screenplays. On the other hand, if that were the case it might have crushed my soul to read about how to make studio movies rather than artistic visions. Plus, it was still pretty good.

It was educational and funny and included a Choose Your Own Adventure section AND an outline for the Reno 9-1-1: Miami! sequel that will never be. And now I know "why almost every studio movie sucks donkey balls".

And I kinda want to watch Herbie: Fully Loaded to see exactly how bad it ended up.

Here's a quote:

"Don't get us wrong, we love Eraserhead. But 95 percent of Americans, if you forced them to watch Eraserhead, would want to punch that movie in the face and would punch YOU in the face for making them watch it."

50 Books in 2011: Mr. Sebastian and the Negro Magician

2011-09-01T20:03:00.001-04:00

Book #45 of 2011: Mr. Sebasian and the Negro Magician by Daniel Wallace.

This book came as quite a relief, as I was coming off a string of "meh" reads that had been on my shelf for ages and I was worried this would be another in that line.

I'd never read Daniel Wallace (I keep wanting to type David Wallace, who should clearly be running the Scranton branch of Dunder Mifflin/Sabre this year) before, but I saw the film adaptation of Big Fish back whenever the heck that movie came out, so I guess that makes me a little familiar with him?

Much like a Murakami book, I can't say I really, 100% "get" it, but that doesn't particularly bother me, because it was a good journey.

It's not really possible to say much about the plot without spoiling things, so I'll just say that it's circus-y and old-time-y, in a way that's similar to Water for Elephants, but is also very mysterious and intriguing. And doesn't have that weird narration from the nursing home business.

PLUS, it uses the following terms/phrases, which I find awesome:
'bos -- hobos. I wish I said hobos more so I could use this handy abbreviation.
balboas--boobs. This takes place in the first half of the century, so the characters can't have any Rocky Balboa associations, but I still do!
nut to butt--how crowded a room is. May need to start saying this one.

50 Books in 2011: the Edifice Complex

2011-08-30T20:04:00.000-04:00

Book #44 of 2011: The Edifice Complex by Deyan Sudjic.

My (main) problem with this book was that it contained not a single photograph/illustration. This probably makes it seem like I'm a dummy who can't get through a book without pictures, but, look, this thing is about architecture. Architecture that I *cannot* picture in my head because, most of the time, I've never seen it--buildings in Hitler's Germany, presidential libraries, skyscrapers in England and Asia, etc. And, no, I didn't have the time or will to pause every time a new building was brought up and look up a picture on my own. If I had, the battery in my smart-phone would've died before I even got to work in the mornings...

You may have noticed that the name is a "clever" sort of reference to the Oedipus complex. While he did use the term "edifice complex" in the book, he just tossed it out willy-nilly maybe three times and expected the reader to have a fully-formed idea of what he's talking about. I...don't really, but it never really even seemed significant anyway.

This book had a ton of potential, and some of the sections were quite compelling, but overall, it was too difficult to really follow the "narrative", as it were, and I just couldn't keep all the architects straight, as I was only really familiar with Gehry (Yes, I looked forward to the section about Cleveland's own Gehry building, and acted all proud about it as if it had something to do with me), I.M. Pei, and...yeah, that's about it. Sorry, Hitler's architect, Stalin's architect, and guy who does a lot of Holocaust museums...

So, if you've got a basic knowledge of architecture and are especially interested in the architecture of dictators, check it out.

50 Books in 2011: How the Soldier Repairs the Gramophone

2011-08-16T20:02:00.001-04:00

Book #43 of 2011: How the Soldier Repairs the Gramophone by Sasa Stanisic (Sorry, buddy, but I'm not gonna figure out how to make those accents. If you were French, though, we'd be set. Alors.)

NOTE: I read an advance reader's copy of this book from...2006 or something...so, maybe they fixed some of the things I didn't like about it by the time it came out for real.

I feel like there was some good stuff in here, but as a whole it didn't work for me. If done well, time jumps and narrator jumps can be useful/interesting/etc., but in this case, I ended up confused enough that I just wanted to plow through and finish rather than figuring out what exactly was happening. And, there were just too many barely introduced characters to keep track of.

The narrator (usually?), Aleksander, begins the story as a boy in Yugoslavia. By the end, there is no Yugoslavia. I am confident that there are a million good stories in that interim, but I couldn't connect with the characters or follow what was happening with the war [It did occur to me that I wasn't supposed to be able to follow the war as a sort of statement about the war, but, even if that's the case, I'm not a fan].

Also, the love story aspect of it felt very...manufactured. We barely met the girl but become immersed in an obsession with finding her. Yet, the best parts to me were when Aleksander was writing letters to her rather than his usual disjointed narration.

Summary: meh.

Oxymoron of the Day

2011-08-06T17:46:00.000-04:00

Here, let me be more specific about that in case you didn't spot it:

Thankfully, the next rack over wasn't a bunch of leggings with a sign that said "Pants"...

50 Books in 2011: Kabul Beauty School

2011-08-02T20:54:00.000-04:00

Book #42: Kabul Beauty School; An American Woman Goes Behind the Veil by Deborah Rodriguez.

This book tells Deborah's own story of heading to Afghanistan to open a beauty school for women. Prior to this, Deborah has spent negligible time in Afghanistan and no time running a business/non-profit. She does not know Dari, the dominant language in Kabul, or anything else about Afghanistan, except that she wants to help women there.

It seems that Debbie has a tendency to act without thinking, and that that tendency extended to writing and publishing this book.

It was WAY easier to get through than Three Cups of Tea, and, in theory, is about 100% more honest, but had some structural problems (for me, anyway) and left about a million loose ends, even with an added afterword for the paperback edition.

Does the beauty school still exist? I don't know.*

Is she still married to the random Afghan dude she barely knew? I don't know.

Were people actually after her and the school or was it some sort of weird conspiracy? I don't know.

Was she in it to make a profit or just working her ass off to help women in Afghanistan? I don't know.

Did she finally bother to learn the damn language? I don't know, but judging from the few years the book spans, I'm gonna guess no.

*Okay, I do know--the school's closed. But I had to do some research to find out

50 Books in 2011: Service Included

2011-07-27T19:18:00.000-04:00

Book #41: Service Included; Four Star Secrets of an Eavesdropping Waiter by Phoebe Damrosch.

Recently, someone asked what I was reading. I showed them this and they said, "That sounds kinda interesting," and I said, "Yes, that's exactly what it is." It's kinda interesting.

Reading about Per Se and what it takes to work there was interesting, but as any of the 1-star reviews on Amazon would tell you (and there are more of those than any other rating), the supposed "secrets" from "eavesdropping" don't really exist. There's ONE small chapter that mentions some off-beat clientele, but other than that, it's just about her getting a job at Per Se, training a TON to be able to do it, and then eventually leaving. In the meantime, she also gets a boyfriend by more or less stealing him from his live-in girlfriend, who he continues to live with for the majority of the book.

I feel like the main problem is not that there isn't enough about the restaurant, but that it set you up to want more about the restaurant with the sub-title and press for the book. They found a title that would grab people's attention, but didn't deliver when it came to the content.

And, while I appreciate a love of food, I'm not sure I can get behind the ridiculous extravagance of this restaurant. Or her attitude that her friends are being jerks by saying that they can't afford to go. Yes, people spend $300 or $600 in ways that seem less important to her, but she readily admits that a line cook there blew MONTHS of savings to eat there with the cheapest wine available. Sorry, Phoebe, but that ain't worth it to me. And I'm glad this book was a free advance copy, cause it wouldn't have been worth it either.

50 Books in 2011: Bossypants

2011-07-27T19:04:00.000-04:00

Book #40 of 2011: Bossypants by Tina Fey.

A friend of mine read this earlier in the year, while I was too immersed in Harry Potters and various library books to read something I'd actually purchased, and he seemed disappointed that it didn't delve deeper into Tina Fey's life and real, true self.

I think I was too amused by it and too busy seeing myself (or just wanting to) in what was there to be disappointed in anything that wasn't.

The book contained probably the only thing Colin Quinn has ever said that made me laugh--on Tina Fey's father, Don Fey--"Your father doesn't fucking play games. You would never come home with a shamrock tattoo in that house."

Granted, Tina prolly wouldn't have opted for a shamrock, since she's Greek and German, but still well-played, Colin.

It's kind of a bummer that they really intended 30 Rock to be a big commercial hit and it isn't, but they have a bunch of Emmy's to console themselves with and it's going strong into the year of Alec Baldwin's supposed retirement. PLEASE DON'T RETIRE, ALEC!

Ahem, so, yeah, Tina Fey is pretty awesome and this was funnier than the other comedy/comedy-memoir things I've read this year (and, yes, there have been a few--Demetri Martin, Michael Showalter, Judah Friedlander, Patton Oswalt...).

In short [TOO LATE!], I'm not sorry at all that I purchased it instead of borrowing it. And if she writes anything else, I'll probably get that, too.

50 Books in 2011: Perchance to Dream

2011-07-19T20:46:00.001-04:00

Book #39 of 2011: Perchance to Dream (Theatre Illuminata #2) by Lisa Mantchev.

I was very into the first book in this series, and couldn't wait to continue, but this one just did not work as well. The fantastical nature of the theatre (where our main character, Bertie, lives amongst characters from plays as well as a few theatre staff-people) was great, but trying to make sense of the quest to find the magical Sea Goddess through her being able to manifest whatever she writes as a script and finding out her father [SPOILER ALERT] is some sort of bird-man...was a bit too much fantasy for one small book to hold.

Luckily, I was still drawn into it for the latter third or so and still really enjoyed the leading men. Let's face it, it's those leading men that drew me in in the first place and they'll keep me reading until the end, I think.

I also enjoyed the main new character of this one (besides the bird-man) and hope he returns in the third installment, out in September.

50 Books in 2011: The Lonely Polygamist

2011-07-19T20:32:00.001-04:00

Book #38 of 2011: the Lonely Polygamist by Brady Udall.

I had some sort of vague idea that I'd heard something good about this and so, I read it.

Apparently, I did not find it as funny as I was supposed to (gum in the pubes doesn't really do it for me, I guess), but I didn't really mind. The premise here--a polygamist with 4 wives and 28 children who is secretly working for a brothel owner on construction of a new brothel and struggling with potential infidelity--was interesting enough.

Much like the main character, Golden, we don't see a whole lot of most of the children. Frankly, it was hard to even keep the wives straight for awhile, except for the youngest one, who gets her own point-of-view chapters. This wasn't helped any by the not-completely-linear time-line, which shifted subtly here and there without always being super clear about it.

I never really cared enough about any of the characters, except perhaps the youngest wife, who I very much wanted to be happy.

I still did like it, though. Go figure.

Ad Absurdum: Just Wink

2011-07-16T12:41:00.001-04:00

For the past few weeks, I've been hearing these ads on the radio where there is a lot of rapid talking occasionally punctuated by someone singing "ooh ooh oo-ooh, Just Wink!" and I have been wondering, frankly, what the FUCK these things were for. I've only ever been able to make out maybe one word out of 7 and wasn't even sure that it was "just wink" and not "I just winked" or something else "just winked". The only reason I now know for sure is that the internet has helped me to figure it out:

That is one of three videos up on the Just Wink greeting card site.

You know what, I'm just gonna put up the other ones, too.

I just...don't even know what to say about these.

Weird as hell? Yes.

Effective? Maybe when you see a video and aren't just hearing completely nonsensical audio, but, you know what? Still no.

Then again, I *did* end up on their website and am now sharing their insanity with you, so, I guess they won this round.

50 Books in 2011: How to Beat Up Anybody

2011-07-06T22:04:00.001-04:00

Book #37 of 2011: How to Beat Up Anybody; an Instructional and Inspirational Karate Book by the World Champion Judah Friedlander.

If you would like to read a book that is essentially the result of Judah Friedlander doing a photo shoot and then writing some words (mostly the words "world champion") to match whatever photos ended up coming out of it, then this is for you. Also, if you like to look at boobs. Or people (Judah Friedlander) levitating.

To some degree the half-assedness makes it more funny, but eventually I got tired of it.

Until the For Women Only chapter, which was pretty hilarious, because, yes, I find Judah Friedlander in several woman's outfits pretty hilarious.

Sometimes with comedy, I find myself thinking about how fun it would've been to help make it rather than how funny it is to watch/hear/see/whatever. This is one of those times--I bet it was super fun to take these photos of Judah doing crazy shit, sometimes in drag. Probably much more fun than it is to read the results of that.

Anyway, the point is that it was kinda funny, but also kinda meh. And if you wanna do any comedy photo shoots or whatever, you should invite me.

50 Books in 2011: Eyes Like Stars

2011-06-30T22:18:00.000-04:00

Book #36 of 2011: Eyes Like Stars (Theatre Illuminata, Act I) by Lisa Mantchev.

A friend recommended this to me and when it came in at the library and I judged it by its cover, I was a little worried, but it turned out to be pretty cool: the main character, Beatrice, lives in a theatre, surrounded by characters. And by characters I mean characters from plays--Hamlet, Macbeth, Midsummer Night's Dream, Peter Pan, the Little Mermaid...

I enjoyed the premise and where she went with it quite a bit. Even after I've started another book, I keep thinking back on it and/or wishing I were still reading it. Unfortunately, the ending didn't wrap things up as nicely as I would have liked, but that's because like every teen lit book I end up reading, it has become a series of at least 3. Unsurprisingly, the second one is on hold at the library for me.

50 Books in 2011: Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows

2011-06-29T22:30:00.000-04:00

Book #35 of 2011: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling. Rowling, by the way, is pronounced like rolling, which I know mostly due to a friend whose last name rhymes with the improper pronunciation used by most people. You'd think people would have learned this after 7 books and soon-to-be 8 movies, but, no.

Reading this was a lot like reading it for the first time (I have a lousy memory unless I've read something more than once or very recently) and I definitely was hooked on it. I'd been a little worried that it'd be hard to get through, since I remembered some of the more depressing bits, but I often had trouble putting it down.

It works pretty well as a finale; I have no major complaints with it. Obviously, I'd rather some deaths hadn't occurred, but it would be a bit, yes, "unrealistic", if everyone had made it.

Random thoughts:

I wanted Harry to kill Bellatrix while invisible, but Molly getting to kick some ass is cool, too.

Love the maturation of Neville Longbottom.

Still miss Sirius.

Love you, Snape. You too, Alan Rickman.

Stick-Figure Story Time: the Work Bathroom

2011-06-28T21:37:00.001-04:00

Generally, the bathroom at work is not too bad--most of the "public" only end up on the floor below mine, so it's not a super high-traffic area and it's cleaned frequently and whatnot. The first time I used it, however, I noticed the signs on each stall door saying not to dispose of...feminine hygiene products...in the toilets and I thought, "Why would anyone do that?" / "Who would do that?"

Unfortunately, apparently someone or someones definitely does that. I still don't know who or why.

Aside from wondering why anyone would think that that's a reasonable thing to do, I'm also just surprised to see anything floating in the toilet. Because, you see, our toilets automatically flush. And, uh, let's just say that, from what I've seen, they do a pretty good job at it.

Not only do they automatically flush, but I have had them automatically flush before I've even started using them, while I am in the midst of using them, and after I've already finished and started to walk away.

So, in addition to not understanding the who or why, I also don't understand how.

Aaaanyway, even more baffling was this:

I go into the bathroom and head for a stall. This is what I see:

If not for the splashes on top, I'd have gone ahead and used it anyway, buuuuut I didn't feel like dealing with that, so, I headed to a second stall, and saw THIS:

And then my head exploded. Okay, not really, I just used that one anyway, but still, what the hell?!?

How did one person manage to pee in the first toilet and get it NOT to flush and also apparently NOT use any toilet paper. Meanwhile, another person managed to fill the second toilet with toilet paper but NOT any urine? Or, was it ONE person who somehow managed to pee in one toilet, scuttle to the other to wipe, and then, miraculously somehow set off NEITHER toilet's flushing sensor?!?

I call alien(s).

Or ninja(s).

Or dude(s) with long stream(s).

50 Books in 2011: Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World

2011-06-27T22:44:00.002-04:00

Book #34 of 2011: Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World by Haruki Murakami.

I picked up this book because I appreciate Murakami and felt I should read more of his work. Then, I was reluctant to start it because I knew it would be more work than some of the other things I've been reading--when I first opened the book, I noticed that the opening pages contained a map. My reaction (on Twitter, of course): "Uh-oh. There's a map at the beginning. Books w/ maps ain't nothin' to fuck with."

While reading this book on the train, I was tapped on the shoulder by someone sitting in the seat behind me, who rather excitedly asked if it was, indeed, Murakami. He said he saw the "end of the world" at the top of the page and thought it had to be. So, in addition to having a friend who loves the book, apparently this stranger on the train loves it so much that he decided to interact with me pretty much just to say how good it is.

More than once, also while reading it on the train, I ran into acquaintances, who then asked what I was reading and "what it's about". The first time, I didn't even try to explain the plot. The second time, I tried, but felt as though I fell quite short of any sort of satisfactory or sensible explanation. Then again, a sensible explanation may not be possible.

But, this is one thing that I particularly appreciate about Murakami (I have read 4 of this other books--Kafka on the Shore, After Dark, Sputnik Sweetheart, and What I Talk About When I Talk About Running). His books always have an extraordinary amount of creativity that, yes, makes them difficult or impossible to explain, but also makes for interesting and exciting stories. Even when I don't fully understand what is going on, I tend not to mind because there is a feeling that somehow it just all works.

So, yes, my brain had to do more work than it had to do with, say, Michael Showalter, but, it was totally worth it.

Filming in the Gaps: Fast Times at Ridgemont High

2011-06-27T22:37:00.001-04:00

Since I was roughly 0 years old when this film came out, I suppose it's not a surprise that I'd never seen it. However, I felt it was about time. Especially since Heckerling's other films include perpetual favorites (for me) Look Who's Talking and Clueless.

Though I think this would have been better if it were closer to my own generation (like Clueless, I suppose), I still enjoyed it. I already knew a fair bit about the Sean Penn portion of the plot due to pop culture references, but somehow never heard much about the fairly casual

[SPOILER ALERT]

abortion thing where the main downside to having an abortion is that the a-hole you slept with won't pay for half of it or drive you to the clinic. Granted, the fact that he wouldn't pay for half and ditched her as her ride to the clinic DOES totally suck, but I'm surprised she wasn't more upset by the rest of the ordeal.

My high school life was definitely not like that of any of the characters in this movie, but that's definitely okay, both for my life and the film.

Though I am sure there were references to the movie in many other places, I mostly remember these two, from Clerks: the Animated Series, which remains one of my favorite things ever.

This episode involves a court case presided over by Judge Reinhold (who I really like in Fast Times, and in general, BTW). Court case begins at 6:06, Judge Reinhold enters at 7:30:

I had no idea at the time, but the scene at 5:30 is a very clear reference to Fast Times:

[Sorry that these aren't just the relevant clips, but for some reason no one posted individual jokes, just episode chapters. So, do the work. Or watch the whole episode. If you like it, you can invite me over and we'll watch the DVDs.]

50 Books in 2011: Mr. Funny Pants

2011-06-18T17:57:00.000-04:00

Book #33 of 2011: Mr. Funny Pants by Michael Showalter.

It's never really clear what this book is supposed to be, aside from amusing. Maybe I should not have expected anything else from Michael Showalter, but, I think I wanted it to be essays or life stories or...something. It was not those things, but I will give it that it was, in fact, amusing. Well, parts of it, anyway.

I think that some humor is more easily carried out in a stand-up or sketch scenario because even if it is slightly predictable, your brain can't do that predicting fast enough to really care when someone is in the middle of a joke. When I'm reading a predictable joke, however, I have plenty of time to ruminate on a) the punchline that I think is coming and then b) how I totally saw that punchline coming. "Oh, I bet he's going to...Yep. He's doing that...Okaaaaay."

And, if that sort of thing is happening, and there's no greater structure to the book, then you've just read a flat joke and have nothing else to fall back on. (Same for long/draggy jokes, etc.)

I think this is the main problem with the book. I had similar issues with This is a Book by Demetri Martin.

That being said, however, I did legitimately laugh several times while reading it.

And was only mildly miffed that two-ish chapters were taken from his stand-up album.

Dear Casey Anthony

2011-06-15T22:19:00.000-04:00

I've seen a few Today Show segments about your trial and my main question is this: How do you expect me to believe anything you say when you used to claim that your child was taken by your nanny..."Zanny"?

Didn't you get the memo that you're supposed to make things up by looking at your surroundings and piecing words together from what you see in the room, not by changing ONE letter from the thing you're supposed to be naming?

Wow. Just wow.

It almost makes me believe you're dumb enough to have decided not to tell anyone after your child accidentally drowned and think it'd just work out somehow.

Almost.

50 Books in 2011: the Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake

2011-06-13T21:17:00.000-04:00

Book #32: the Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake by Aimee Bender.

This was a nice, quick read. Much less tear-inducing than my last few reads, though I'll admit I still teared up a time or two. But, it's me, so that's no surprise. It's narrated by Rose, who we join from age 9 to early adulthood. On her ninth birthday, Rose discovers a new "talent": she can taste the emotions of whoever has made her food. Unfortunately, there are a lot of negative emotions in much of her food: neediness, loneliness, desperation. Though Rose turns to the emotional blandness of factory-made food as much as possible, she can't completely escape her mother's cooking, which is full of complicated things that young Rose should not have to think about.

As often happens, I would have liked a few relationships in the story to turn out differently, but, that does not mean that that would have made a better story.

I won't say I couldn't put it down, but when I did, I was always eager to pick it back up.

50 Books in 2011: the Art of Racing in the Rain

2011-06-08T21:28:00.000-04:00

Book #31 of 2011: the Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein.

I really did not know what I was getting into here. I heard "it's narrated by a dog" and did not imagine that that would lead to so much sadness. I feel as though at least half of the chapters made me either tear up or actually cry for one reason or another. Plus, it picked up where the Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks left off in the making-me-even-more-scared-of-cancer vein, this time with additional fear of evil in-laws!

Despite my failure to appreciate all the allusions to auto racing and the fairly constant sadness I felt while reading it, it was worth the read. Some of the plot points were predictable, and some were just plain spelled out ahead of time by our canine narrator, but somehow that didn't matter much, because I was still emotionally invested.

[SPOILER ALERT] Even if it was a bit too neat of a wrap-up to hint that dogs can be reincarnated as humans, it's still a pleasant idea. Though, I take to dogs so much easier than to (most) people that it seems like it might be a step in the wrong direction.

50 Books in 2011: The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks

2011-06-06T19:50:00.000-04:00

Book #30 of 2011: the Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot.

I've been hearing about this book pretty much everywhere--my friend Chris suggested it to me; NPR has discussed it; and my workplace is having a discussion about it sometime this month. And honestly, if I hadn't heard so much buzz about it, I never would have picked it up--science is the one subject that I could never really get or get into.

Luckily, the scientific aspect is somewhat overshadowed by the human interest aspect--basically, a few decades ago, Henrietta Lacks had a tough life ended by cervical cancer at a young age, doctors took samples of her cells, and those cells kept on growing and reproducing through today. At this point, no other cells had ever been able to do this, so tons and tons of research was done using the cells--among many other things, they were helpful in mapping human DNA.

Meanwhile, her family has been barely scraping by, most of them not even able to afford health insurance, despite Henrietta's huge contribution to medical science. They know that somehow, Henrietta's cells have been used in many experiments, but don't really understand what DNA is or that when someone clones her cells, they aren't actually cloning her.

Reading about the general treatment of black people at hospitals in the 50s and 60s was highly disturbing. Though it was a few decades before I was born, a few decades seems way too close for such terrible things to have been happening. It's crazy to think of doctors infecting people on purpose without their knowledge or consent.

I'm surprised that Skloot managed to put the book together, since the family was very wary of telling their story, especially to a white lady, after having been screwed over in the past. I can't imagine heading into bad parts of Baltimore to find the Lacks family and being confronted with such angry and unbalanced personalities. It's impressive that she persevered and developed relationships with the family.

Overall, the book is kind of a bummer, but worth the read, especially if you're into science, history, and/or memoirs.

50 Books in 2011: Harry Potter & the Half-Blood Prince

2011-05-28T15:43:00.000-04:00

Book #29 of 2011: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by J.K. Rowling.

This book is second in frustrating me only to Order of the Phoenix. Maybe even more frustrating, because, though Sirius' death is the single most frustrating event of the series, it is at least abrupt and brief. On the other hand, Half-Blood Prince's main mystery--is Draco Malfoy up to something, and, if so, what? Takes the entire book and then unfolds in a most horrible way. And because of this lengthy build-up, it allows time for many questions, instead of just the main one--Why?!? In addition, there are many "What if?"s and other associated "Why?!?"s.

What if Snape had refused to make the Unbreakable Vow? Could there have been some way to do so without being suspected by Voldemort?

Why couldn't Harry conjure a goblet that could hold water for Dumbledore, since the original goblet clearly was bewitched not to?

What if Snape, rather than instantly carrying out Draco's mission for him, insisted he do it himself? Perhaps the time this took to discuss would have allowed the Order to reach the tower?

Anyway, it was a little easier to read this the second time around, as I was...more prepared. Of course, I still cried, albeit much less. Sigh. On to the final book with over a month left until the final film!

Saturday Night Live

2011-05-26T12:44:00.000-04:00

Here are 15 of my favorite SNL sketches from this past season (Season 36!), plus a few more that are pretty weird, but appreciated by me even if just for their weirdness. Note that I probably would have included the Digital Short from the Paul Rudd/Paul McCartney episode (Stumblin'!), but it's not embeddable from Hulu or YouTube that I found.

I also want to say that I appreciate the Underground-Underground Records sketches, but this year's addition of Jay Pharoah's high-pitched noise guy, and I suppose just diminishing returns in general, kinda brought them down.

I also still like What's Up With That? but, I didn't want to subject whoever looks at this to like 10 minutes just because I like to watch Jason Sudeikis dance in a red track suit.

"Sex" Ed Vincent (Emma Stone)

I freaking love this sketch. PLEASE KEEP HIM AROUND, LORNE!

I Didn't Ask for This (Jon Hamm)

New Boyfriend Talk Show (Jane Lynch)

Kings of Catchphrase Comedy (Zach Galifianakis)

Boston Powers kinda kills me.

iSleep Pro (Bryan Cranston)

Stupid stereotypes? Yes. Still funny to me? Yes.

Perspectives Photo Studio (Helen Mirren)

Why yes, I am immature and like penis jokes, why do you ask?

Stefon (Emma Stone)

Gotta love an Urkel joke. And a Cosby face.

ESPN Classic: Ladies Shot Put (Elton John)

The first KY tagline really got me.

Back to the Future Screen Test, Part 2 (Jon Hamm)

I just can't get over the Alan Alda.

Digital Short: Captain Jack Sparrow (UNCENSORED, FYI) (Tina Fey)

I should probably stop listening to this in my car with the windows down. Or is it cool to be yell-singing "This whole town's a pussy just waiting to get fucked (To get fuuuuucked)" all over town?

Ladies Who Lunch (Amy Poehler)

Digital Short: I Just Had Sex (Jeff Bridges)

Yes, I sing this one in the car, too.

Liquorville (Justin Timberlake)

I'm mostly just impressed that he can come up with this shit and pull it off...

Herb Welch (Jesse Eisenberg)

Black Friday (Anne Hathaway)

Awesomely weird honorable mentions:

Les Jeunes de Paris (Emma Stone)

VH1 TV Shows | Music Videos | Celebrity Photos | News & Gossip

The Bjelland Brothers (Bryan Cranston)

Really, really weird honorable mention:

Hallmark Mother's Day (Tina Fey)

Anything you loved that I left out? [Feel free to keep your "SNL sucks!"-type comments to yourself]

50 Books in 2011: This Is A Book

2011-05-25T18:40:00.000-04:00

Book #28 of 2011: This is a Book by Demetri Martin.

I know I shouldn't have begun reading this book with the thought that it would make me love Demetri Martin when I had hitherto only tolerated him and laughed mildly on occasion, because it, obviously, did not do that. I still appreciate what he does without really loving it. It was pretty amusing at times, but if it weren't, that would've been a hell of a lot of bad jokes--some chapters are compilations of one-sentence jokes, some are drawings, and others are short stories/essays.

Sometimes I had to give him some serious credit for the work/intellect that went into things even if I didn't find them hilarious--there is a palindromes chapter that is entirely palindromes and includes a poem that stretches across THREE PAGES. This poem wasn't particularly amusing to me, but, damn, coming up with all those palindromes must've taken a lot of effort.

Here are some of my favorite things from the book:

The chapter about using checks with dolphins on them.

"HOTEL CONDUNDRUM: The continental breakfast. What is it that makes continents so shitty at providing an adequate breakfast?"

"Let no man's deathbed
be a futon."

TNT Knows Drama

2011-05-23T22:26:00.000-04:00

You may recall me making fun of TNT in the past for its programming choices being largely just a split between so-called "DRAMA" and whatever sports they could get the rights to. Which, granted, may be better than TBS' mix of Atlanta Braves' games and Tyler Perry shows (I actually like watching the NBA playoffs), but, I guess the jury's still out on that.

Obviously my critique of their formula has not deterred them (amazing, I know), and, so, they are promoting a *new* drama series starting in June: Franklin & Bash. Franklin & Bash stars Mark-Paul Gosselaar of hot sex on Weeds fame (that's what he's famous for, right?) and Breckin Meyer of baked skateboarder in Clueless fame (no doubt about that one). While I'd certainly rather see a billboard for this than the one they had up for Rizzoli & Isles, it seems to be rather similar to...oh, everything they ever make.

I've become curious about how they come up with these lovely shows and figure it must be something like this: the TNT Knows Drama game. Game play is simple: just roll the character die to determine whether the focus will be a strong female lead (the Closer, HawthoRNe, Saving Grace), partners/buddies (Rizzoli & Isles, Franklin & Bash), or an ensemble (Men of a Certain Age, Leverage) And roll the career die to see what careers your characters will have--will they be cops (the Closer, Rizzoli & Isles, Saving Grace, Dark Blue, SouthLAnd...), doctors & nurses (HawthoRNe, Heartland, Saved), or lawyers (Franklin & Bash, Raising the Bar)?

After that, it's just a quick spin on the locations wheel (Will it be LA, Boston, or some random regional hub?)

And, BAM! you've got a TNT Drama series ready to go. Just come up with a snappy name (Try some cleverly capitalized letters or the names of your buddy partners! I can only assume the titles they really use come from late nights with a Ouija board, so you could always go that route.) and your pilot is practically ready to shoot.

Step 3, Profit.

50 Books in 2011: the Help

2011-05-23T20:18:00.000-04:00

Book #27 of 2011: the Help by Kathryn Stockett.

I had a vague awareness of this book's popularity for awhile; then, I saw a few ads for the film version, due out in August. I even got it out of the library once a few months back, but returned it without reading any, as I have to do sometimes when I get too ambitious with my check-outs. I'm very glad I finally got around to it. Every time I had any downtime after I started reading it, I'd open it up (full disclosure: turn on my e-reader).

The book has three narrators: "Skeeter" Phelan, a white recent college grad who's just returned to her parents' plantation; Aibileen, maid for Skeeter's childhood friend Elizabeth; and Minny, former maid to Skeeter's childhood best friend. The book takes place during the first few years of the 1960s in Jackson, Mississippi, so I bet you could guess the general themes.

It really drew me in. I wasn't too pleased with the ending, but I think I just wasn't happy to be done with it. And, of course, I can't always escape my want for a crystal clear happy-ever-after kind of thing.

After I finished, I was excited for the movie, but the trailer makes it seem watered down, which is a bummer. Hopefully I'm wrong about that, but I just have a feeling they're going to tone down the [SPOILER ALERT] shitting in a pie part, the fight with a naked masturbating man part, the miscarriages, the domestic violence, the unjust imprisonment, or the generally depressing vibe of not belonging or being accepted, and end up focusing on a rosy "everything'll be okay now" anti-racism vibe. Which could still very well be a decent movie, but, not as good as it might've been.

Here's the trailer anyhow:

It *does* have Emma Stone...

Stick-Figure Storytime: The Gym Creeper

2011-05-20T15:39:00.001-04:00

Awhile ago, I was at the gym, just doin' my thang in the back of the little extra workout room that not everyone knows about and/or uses, cause, you know, I like privacy when I'm doin' my ~~squat thrusts and pelvic lifts~~ crunches and whatnot, and this girl comes in.

And she sorta...lingers...by the door for awhile--long enough that I find it odd--before walking to the other end of the room. I go about my business, but sorta can't help kinda watching her to see what she's gonna do.

Next time I look up, she's sitting down on the rowing machine thing. She fiddles with a few knobs and rows once, maybe twice. Sits there some more, then gets up again.

She does the same thing with one of the bikes. At this point, I'm doing some exercises with a weighted bar where you hold the bar on your shoulders and do some different bends.

I bend down, and when I get back up, she's moved from the bike...

TO MY FACE!

I honestly can't remember exactly what happened when I came out of my bend and was eye-to-eye with her, but I hope my face didn't betray my inner urge to run away screaming.

Do you burn more calories during nightmares than during regular sleep?

50 Books in 2011: Unfamiliar Fishes

2011-05-18T20:15:00.000-04:00

Book #26 of 2011: Unfamiliar Fishes by Sarah Vowell.

It would be nice, I think, if Sarah Vowell added subtitles to her books telling you what they might be about. I already knew, in this case, because I'd read a review, but nonetheless. If you didn't know who she was and you saw this on display somewhere, you'd be hard-pressed to even venture a guess. Granted, we're not supposed to judge by the cover, but generally the title gives you some hint.

Anyway, it's about Hawaii. Specifically, how Americans fucked it up. Though, to be fair, native Hawaiians fucked it up a lot on their own, too, what with the whole incest thing going on in the royal family.

My other pointless gripe about the book is that she didn't bother dividing it into chapters. I'm not sure I've ever read a book that didn't have chapters before (except for picture books when I was 4, I guess). This would not be a problem if the book still felt organized and clear, but that was not the case.

It was a bit rambly.

Oh, one more pointless gripe: I don't know how to pronounce Hawaiian names. I appreciate your little note in the beginning about how you took out some apostrophes and left some apostrophes in and all that, but, while you were at it, could you maybe have told me how to pronounce these things so I didn't have to dwell on each name trying to sound it out in my head? I mean, Kamehameha is one thing, but Kaluaikoolau? Kealakekua? Keopuolani? Kauikeaouli? Also, am I really supposed to be able to keep these straight?

Between the confusing names and the fact that I have little context stored in my head for dates ranging across the 1800s, I'm surprised I got anything out of it. But, I did enjoy reading it and it was an interesting tale, even if some specifics were lost on me. Not her best, but not bad.

50 Books in 2011: the Pale King

2011-05-17T20:28:00.000-04:00

Book #25 of 2011: the Pale King by David Foster Wallace.

This was unfinished at the time of DFW's death and has been constructed from his notes and drafts and whatnot, so, I feel as though it would be wrong to critique it as a finished work. So, what do I say?

It felt much like Infinite Jest in that there were multiple threads jumping around throughout the text, but I did not feel as drawn into the world as I did with IJ. Or at least not for a while. There seemed to be fewer (clear) connections between threads and it was even harder to piece things together/make sense of things. I do blame the latter fact on myself, however, as I knew the book would require a lot of focus and I was not always able to give it the attention it demanded (it's very hard to think clearly on a train in front of someone playing Angry Birds with the sound on, across from someone yelling into a cell phone, and behind someone with a crying baby).

That said, by the end, I still had the same compulsion (likewise un-acted-upon) as I had with Infinite Jest to flip back to the front and start all over with a new awareness/understanding of what I was reading. But, were I to choose to re-read either this or Infinite Jest, I would hands-down choose IJ despite its massive-ness.

Some of the chapters were downright hard to get through--one narrator had a tic of adding "type of thing" after nearly every thought and the supposedly DFW narrated chapters were rambly as hell. But, one of the themes of the book is that there may be a bright light at the end of crushing boredom's dark tunnel. I just wish that after these purposely difficult sections, I'd been rewarded with the bright light of a truly completed DFW work. Alas, that was not to be.

50 Books in 2011: Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix

2011-05-03T22:48:00.000-04:00

Book #24 of 2011: Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix.

I am too sad right now from the end of this to say much else about it. I love Sirius and his death(-ish thing) is probably the main disappointment to me of the series. It's so fucking frustrating. Wizards are fiercely dueling each other and he falls through a curtain. A CURTAIN! TOTALLY WEAK! Sirius deserves better than that shit.

In addition to my tendency to cry upon the deaths of fictional characters, I tend to cry even more when reading the aftermath, as people deal with those deaths (Hunger Games, anyone?). So, though there are still a few chapters after Sirius' death, they are equally sad. Harry desperately hoping that Sirius will become a ghost or that the mirror (THAT HE COULD HAVE FUCKING BEEN USING TO TALK TO HIM THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE DAMN BOOK) will still work to reach him are heartbreaking. Ugh.

It's hard to read a book with tears blurring your vision while you're holding the book open with an elbow so you can read while blowing your nose.

Unfortunately, these books are not going to get any less sad as I continue through #s 6 and 7.

Random thought snippets:
Percy Weasley is still a total douchebag.
Fred and George Weasley are awesome.
Centaurs are assholes.
Don't fuck with Hermione Granger.

Bridesmaids (Comes with bonus uncredited Jon Hamm!)

2011-05-01T22:54:00.000-04:00

Oh, sorry, that's not the right photo.

There we go.

A few days ago, I had the pleasure of attending a screening of Bridesmaids (thanks, Amanda!) and, I must say, I kiiiiiinda loved it. I was going to post a trailer, but they a) don't do it justice and b) show things that didn't even make it into the final film anyway.

Me loving it is surprising because I am generally annoyed by Kristen Wiig. Most of her SNL characters bother me and she has a tendency to just use the same loud singsong-y voice all the time. So, when I realized that she was the focal point of the film (I for some reason hadn't really considered that ahead of time), I was a bit worried.

Generally, I can't enjoy a movie where the main character gets shit on repeatedly by life/circumstance--Meet the Parents is a prime example. This is pretty much what happens here, but it didn't bother me. Not because I don't like Kristen Wiig and want bad things to happen to her, but because, unlike Meet the Parents, where I feel like I am only supposed to laugh and not feel bad for him, this allowed me to feel bad for her and laugh.

There was some serious gross-out humor, and some cringe-worthy awkward moments, but it had a lot of heart and many, many laughs.

50 Books in 2011: One Day

2011-04-30T15:21:00.000-04:00

Book #23 of 2011: One Day by David Nicholls. The premise here is that each chapter covers July 15th across a series of years.

I have seriously mixed feelings about this. I know, I say that about pretty much everything, but for serious, you guys. On one hand, it's fairly realistic and plausible and all that, and it's nice in a (supposed) romance that it be something you can buy into.

On the other hand, the characters were a bit annoying and, again, while their foibles were mostly realistic, it was not particularly enjoyable to read about interactions with, say, a really annoyingly not funny comedian boyfriend who is obviously wrong and should just go away, or a marriage to a complete stuck-up bitch or...[SPOILERS AHEAD]

the girl dying.

Sure, it's nice for a "romance" to include more than just that exciting bit where they meet and fall in love and then get over some silly obstacles and everything's perfect and we just get to assume it stays that way and yes, in real life, people get hit by cars while on their bikes and die, and relationships are damn complicated, but am I pleased to read through a decade or so of these people doing stupid shit and not getting together for ages and then her getting killed stupidly? No, I'm not. When I was reading that, on the bus (of course), I actually out loud (quietly, but still out loud) said something like "Oh, fuck you."

And, you know, I think I might have gotten over it if it had ended there and was just sad, but then I had to read a few more chapters where the guy is a mess and it's super depressing, which again, is fine and realistic and everything, but it's spliced in with more details about the days at the beginning, which to me, not only ruins the whole structure that the story was built on up until then, but also then makes it more frustrating because we see how much they really wanted to be together in the beginning, making them seem even more stupid for taking all that time to finally do so. Blerg.

Realistic? Yes. Annoying? Yes. Interesting? Definitely. Romantic? Really only at very small junctures, unless you get off on the "oh, they waited forever to be together and then it's a tragedy" thing. And, I can't say I've never enjoyed that (cough cough Moulin Rouge cough cough. (Oops, probably shouldn't make coughing jokes when she dies of TB (hope I'm covered by the spoiler alert about the book earlier))), or that it isn't a good lesson in going after what you want or appreciating what you have or "it is what it is" or whatever, but, dammit, it's still fucking annoying to read 90% of a book about two people and then have to finish it out with one really sad one while simultaneously looking back with emphasis on how fucking sad it is.

Reality-TV-cap: RuPaul's Drag Race S3E13

2011-04-26T22:03:00.000-04:00

Technically--according to Logo TV--this was episode 15, but I don't think a casting special and a clip show should count. So, 13 it is. I'd try to match the numbers, but, I have a feeling no one gives a shit. It's not like millions of people are searching for these recaps and getting confused when the numbers don't match...

After some chit chat in the workroom (where Raja claims to respect Alexis now and I almost believe her), our final three ladies are told that their challenge will be a role in RuPaul's new music video, Champion. My hopes for Alexis rose a little at this--there is dancing involved and neither Manila nor Raja can dance AT ALL.

Let's talk about the choreographer.

What the fuck is he wearing? Is there a butt flap hiding in that fabric somewhere? Did he just find a big red piece of fabric, tuck a corner into each shoe, and then wrap the rest around himself? Did he, more likely, pay like $5,000 for this "ensemble"?

The ladies do some standing around on pedestals and prancing around, then have to film a brief scene with the hot dudes who are always hanging around (AKA the Pit Crew). Manila's is ridiculously racy, yet she acts scandalized when Alexis does a cha cha for hers.

I doubt there's room for a condom in those little briefs the Pit Crew wear. Hope Manila doesn't end up pregnant!

Ru has her traditional "lunch" meeting with each girl. Nothing particularly interesting. Really, there wasn't all that much that was interesting about this episode. Everything was just...anti-climactic for me.

Here's a glimpse at the final looks:

I'm feeling too lazy to include more of Manila's outfit. It was green and sparkly and form-fitting.

In any event, Alexis is the first to be dismissed, leaving Manila and Raja to lip sync for the title to, you guessed it, RuPaul's Champion.

And...Raja wins.

A few months ago I'd have been very happy with that. And, I'm not exactly unhappy, but it really didn't seem to have anything to do with this episode in particular. This episode could easily have ceased to exist and the outcome would have been the same. I would have guessed this outcome from Day 1.

Also, RuPaul's video is pretty lame--Raja and Manila both look awkward in it (especially the portions where they had to pretend to throw a javelin and a discus) and even RuPaul doesn't make it seem very exciting.

RuPaul's Drag Race - RuPaul - Logo: Fierce TV

Filming in the Gaps: the Graduate

2011-04-24T18:43:00.000-04:00

I'd been told to see this by a friend back when I graduated from college (we'll just say that was "awhile" ago) and unfortunately I was never greatly motivated to do so. Nothing about the whole "Mrs. Robinson" or "Plastics" stuff that tends to get mentioned in connection to the film had really made it seem like something I needed to see, I guess.

What is up with the women in this movie and their screaming? I don't think I've ever had an interaction with anyone where I just let loose a scream, and yet it happens at least 3 times in this movie for a variety of reasons. Granted, I might change my tune if my boyfriend said he'd been sleeping with my mother, but still.

Plot-wise I'd expected it to be more about him figuring out what to do with his life and less about the girl. The pacing was unusual to me for some reason, but I got used to it and I enjoyed the humor. And, most importantly, I now have a point of reference for about 10 Simpsons episodes and this:

50 Books in 2011: Water for Elephants

2011-04-23T20:46:00.000-04:00

Book #22 of 2011: Water for Elephants by Sarah Gruen.

The movie previews and general buzz about this story did not prepare me for the heaviness of it--the 93-year-old Jacob tells us the story from his prison of a nursing home in the present and his story in the past doesn't start out any more pleasantly. But, luckily, things cheer up...a bit...and I ended up enjoying the story quite a lot.

Though the movie has been getting mixed reviews, I'm very curious (and intend to see it next week). While I completely believe that Christoph Waltz can pull of the role of August, who is known to fly off the handle at the drop of a hat, I am still a bit surprised by that casting, as I generally imagined the character to be, well, large. I just hope that I don't share the complaints I've read of a lack of chemistry between Robert Pattinson and Reese Witherspoon.

50 Books in 2011: Be Ready When the Sh*t Goes Down

2011-04-19T21:41:00.000-04:00

Book #21 of 2011: Be Ready When the Sh*t Goes Down; a Survival Guide to the Apocalypse by Forrest Griffin.

I picked this up because I read his prior book, Got Fight? and found him to be funny and interesting. And for whatever reason, he's one of my favorite MMA fighters (Yes, I watch MMA and have for almost two years now). As with that book, I had mixed feelings. Not really about the book, by which I was amused, but by how I would be perceived for reading it. The cover of this book, as you can kind of see above, is Forrest Griffin wearing only a loin cloth (possibly held up with duct tape) while holding what I assume to be a fake knife and a stuffed squirrel. In other words, it's ridiculous. And the contents are no less so.

On the plus side, I figured people would be less likely to try to interact with me on public transport if they saw that I was reading a book with illustrations showing how to hold a gun (BTW, he's wearing an Under Armour shirt, underwear, and socks in these illustrations). On the minus side, I don't really want to commute with people who have seen me looking at an illustration of how to make a masturbatory aid with a towel, a rubber glove, string, and some lube.

But, I don't want to give the impression that Forrest Griffin is nothing more than a crass MMA fighter. Though he has been punched in the face many, many times, rest assured, his remaining brain cells are in working order. Mostly. Hidden amongst the toilet humor are references to Dante's Inferno and Pascal's gambit and discussions about the state of the economy.

My only complaint: TYPOS. There are SO MANY. Call me next time you're writing a book, Forrest, and I'll take care of that shit.

Always Wanted to Shave Richard Branson's Legs?

2011-04-19T13:23:00.000-04:00

Well now you can!

Oh, what's that? No one ever, ever wanted to do that?

Well someone's still going to get to!

Let's try that again. Have you always wanted to watch someone shave Richard Branson's legs?

Still no? No one wants to do that either, let alone while trapped in an airplane with whichever passenger bid a few hundred grand for the privilege of shaving Richard Branson for the next 18 hours or so?

Well, lots of people are going to get to!

Apparently Richard Branson bet some other rich guy with an airline that his racing team would do better than the other guy's team at some race or something. Richard Branson lost, and his punishment for losing? Why, to be a (female) flight attendant for a flight on the other airline, of course. I guess once you've got all the money you could ever want (and more), and everything normal people want in life seems pedestrian, seeing a man in a dress is ~~the only thing that will lift your spirits and keep you from jumping out of your millionth-story office building while leaving everything you own to your cat~~ still hilarious.

And, apparently, for the class of people just below them, seeing a man in a dress is $7,300-worth of hilarious. Actually, I guess the flight itself is probably worth a grand or two. So, seeing a man in a dress is equivalent to around $5,300. You think it's round trip, at least? (It's not.)

The winner of the bet (Tony Fernandes) is quoted as saying, "As an AirAsia flight attendant, Richard would have to comply to our grooming standards, and that includes shaving his legs. Rather than shave him myself, Richard and I thought we could have a bit of fun, engage with our guests and raise more money for charity if we opened up the opportunity to the highest bidder."

I like that the alternative to someone paying to shave him was for Tony himself do it. Why wouldn't the go-to idea be for Richard Branson to shave his own damn legs?!?

Despite the leg-shaving, they're letting him keep his "signature" beard. Apparently AirAsia flight attendants are allowed to have beards so long as they keep those legs smooth. And their beards signature.

Signature? I'm no beard connoisseur, but I've seen a few in my day, and Richard Branson's beard is nothing special. It's pretty much your average run-of-the-mill beard:

That sweatshirt, on the other hand, could totally be his signature.

For good measure, here's a picture of Branson in a dress, from some other thing where he wore a dress for some reason.

On second thought, I'm fine with him keeping his "signature" beard.

Hey, at least it's for charity.

And, BTW, I do like Richard Branson in general. He seems like a charitable dude. And Virgin Atlantic is a very sexy airline. Make Cleveland a hub, Richard, and I'll take back what I said about your beard.

You're on your own, AirAsia guy who seems to kinda want to shave Richard Branson, but wants to come across like he totally doesn't...

50 Books in 2011: Outliers

2011-04-16T15:27:00.000-04:00

Book #20: Outliers; The Story of Success by Malcolm Gladwell.

I have a feeling that the author did not intend for me to feel a bit like "Well, if I'm not one of the lucky ones, I guess I might as well just say 'Fuck it.'", but I definitely felt that way a few times while reading it. Success seems to have a lot to do with when you were born. And then having a lot of lucky things happen to you, including a lot of time to practice whatever it is you're going to do.

Apparently there's some sort of magic number of hours of practice that will lead to mastery. That number is 10,000. So, if you set aside an hour a day to work on something, you'll master it 27 years later. Awesome.

So, check back for some really good blogging around the year 2040.

You know, assuming the planet is still here and has people on it and those people are using the "internet" to look at "blogs".

In the meantime, be disturbed by the fact that a lot of planes have crashed largely because the co-pilot was too polite to get the pilot to change course or communicate effectively with the air traffic controllers. And after you get over that, read some Malcolm Gladwell. Preferably not What the Dog Saw, because the three others are all much better.

Target: the Miss Manners of Our Time

2011-04-14T18:43:00.000-04:00

Tired of buying wine, chocolate, candles, and picture frames for your hostesses? Well, those days are over, and not just because no one really buys hostess gifts like they used to. For only $9.99, you can get a gift your hostess will LOVE: a Bourne movie DVD. Your hostess will remember this thoughtful gesture for YEARS. Or until she gets a Blu-Ray.

Also, Wanted is there, but I'd totally go with one (or more!) of the Bournes. Matt Damon > whoever the heck is in Wanted.

And yes, I did actually know that it was James McAvoy, but it sounded better that way, okay?

Reality-TV-cap: RuPaul's Drag Race S3E12

2011-04-13T23:51:00.001-04:00

And we are back down to 4. Alexis, Yara, Manila, and Raja's mini-challenge: sell something from their drag wardrobes as a host on "RuVC" in 3 minutes.

Raja goes first. And sells her gaff. I had never heard this term before (except in for seeing 'gaffers' in the film industry, which I can only imagine have a much different role than this) and they clearly abandoned that nice vocabulary thing they did early in the season, but, luckily, she explains how the gaff would normally be on her genitals. Then...she puts it on her face. And, of course, this is when my father enters the room and wonders what the fuck I'm watching.

Manila doesn't help with her "MANila"...AKA hair spray that she wrote on with a marker and that for some reason needs to involve a crotch shot:

Alexis' presentation is painfully normal: she uses her butt and thigh pads and looks like a nice normal Q (excuse me) RuVC saleswoman. And Yara uses her "Pop-it-ons" (hairpieces) in typical Yara fashion:

Ru decides to order Yara's Pop-it-ons and Yara's prize is ONE MILLION DOLLARS! Ru Dollars, of course.

The Ru dollars will be used in the main challenge, which includes three parts:
Swimsuit Body Beautiful
Cocktail Attire After 5 pm
Evening Gown Eleganza [made with 2.5 million Ru dollars]

Oh, and by the way, they have to have a choreographed routine together for the swimsuit portion.

Things get significantly less light and fun here, as Alexis has a bit of a breakdown and walks out. I don't blame her for being emotional and stressed (I mean, come on, they have to MAKE THREE OUTFITS in like A DAY. Even Project Runway contestants would shit their pants over this), but it's quite a bummer. Luckily, she doesn't leave. Get it together, gurrrrrrrrl, or the Heathers are gonna win. And despite picking both of the remaining Heathers on day 1 as people I wanted around at the end, they've been wearing on me lately with all their bitchiness, so I think I'd prefer it if one of the others took the crown.

They make a big to-do about Ru specifically asking LaToya Jackson to come back. And an equally big deal of the girls dancing to her "new" "single", the lyrics of which seem to imply that she's bisexual...? The other judges are a "New York Times Bestselling Author" who I've never heard of--Gigi Levangie Grazer, Michelle Visage as per usual, and Mike Ruiz.

Hold up.

*Insert joke about dead animal on head or synthetic weave melting onto his scalp here*

I mean, come on, the guy has looked like this:

Anywho...

Alexis gets a bunch of shit from Michelle Visage for her bathing suit and pretty much anything else that Michelle can think of to insult. The judges also dislike Yara's final look, calling it "too much". Personally, I think that it would've won a Project Runway avant-garde-dress-out-of-paper-money challenge, but, alas, I am not a judge on this show (Call me!). They all love Raja's look, and, though I like the cut, to me it looks like it's made of Easter grass. Manila's final look IS the best, but her swimsuit and evening look were both unexciting for me. She takes the win anyway.

Alexis and Yara are the bottom two. It's heartbreaking to see them competing against each other, knowing how much they like each other. And it only gets worse:

This is not a dance move, it's her lying down on the floor to cry in the middle of the lip sync.

And she's not the only one:

SO MUCH CRYING!

Seriously, she still looks hotter than I do. If I just had a crying jag on the floor, my eyes would be red and puffy as hell and my nose would be running like it was being chased by a rabid dog.

We'll miss you, Yara. Here's hoping you get a buddy reality show with Alexis.

Next week is some sort of clip show, but supposedly with new footage, so...I'unno...

Filming in the Gaps: Cat on a Hot Tin Roof

2011-04-11T11:38:00.000-04:00

It's been awhile since I filled in any of the many gaps in my film knowledge. My intent for the last few weeks (months?) was to watch Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, but, alas, it is no longer available instantly on Netflix. Luckily, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof was still there, so I chose that instead. I considered Gone with the Wind, but that's a commitment I wasn't quite ready for...

It took me a bit to get sucked into the world of Cat on a Hot Tin Roof--for some reason acting from a few decades ago seems rather different from acting today (not sure if that's a plus, a minus, or neither) and
I had a hard time wading through Elizabeth Taylor (Maggie the Cat)'s several rather rambly thickly southern accented (mostly) monologues that opened the film. Apparently I got used to it.

Despite the setting being hard to imagine in today's world (the ole southern family plantation; a group of 5 children who will sing or play songs on command), the story itself was still poignant. I've experienced some family drama concerning a relative's death with much less to fight over than a huge plantation and millions of dollars, so I'm surprised that Paul Newman falling over on his crutches like 8 times was as physical as things got.

Side notes:
I really want a dress like Elizabeth Taylor's:

And to work out my marriage with 1958 Paul Newman, then inherit a large plantation.

And slap that bitch of a sister-in-law.

And that asshole doctor.

And each one of those obnoxious children.

Discover the Movies You Love, Part II

2011-04-09T23:35:00.005-04:00

Back in December, I was spending some time rating movies on Neflix (in other words, I was bored), and the entire suggestions list became populated by Princess Mononoke and Innerspace. This evening, it has happened again. Apparently, I can no longer rate movies on Netflix until I've watched The Stoning of Soraya M. and Happy Accidents. Especially Happy Accidents.

Dammit, I still haven't gotten around to watching Innerspace or Princess Mononoke!

P.S. Someone made a movie with Vincent D'Onofrio as the romantic lead?!? Sorry, but I've never gotten over him as the guy whose body got taken over by an alien in Men in Black...

Then again, Marisa Tomei's already played partner to Joe Pesci, so...

[Sorry, Joe.]

50 Books in 2011: I Found This Funny

2011-04-09T19:00:00.000-04:00

Book #19 of 2011: I Found This Funny; My Favorite Pieces of Humor and Some That May Not Be Funny At All, edited by Judd Apatow.

Overall, I'd say this was an average compilation. I think the not funny pieces outweighed the funny ones, which is fine, but not what I'd expect from the title. It was worth reading, but, of course, I can't read a collection of short stories without feeling as if some of them are just parts of stories and not really their own entities.

I suppose a smarter reader would have skipped over some of the stories, but, it's hard to feel strongly enough to quit something that's already only maybe 20 pages long. And I wouldn't feel like I could count it in my tally if I'd skipped chapters.

I'd read several of the pieces already--a Steve Martin selection from Born Standing Up, a few SNL sketches, a David Sedaris chapter, a Miranda July story.

Of the things I hadn't read already, I especially liked Amy Bloom's contribution and one written by Apatow himself--a chronicle of the early days of Freaks & Geeks. And, of course, I appreciated Conan & Robert Smigel's TV pilot and the Dave Eggers story, and several others.

Reality-TV-cap: RuPaul's Drag Race S3E11

2011-04-07T22:04:00.000-04:00

Shangela has left us, but we'll still have a top 5. Who will the judges bring back for another try?
Before we find out the answer, a really strange still from the opening sequence:

Once you're over that shock, it probably won't be very exciting to see...CARMEN!

The Heathers are pleased. I'm fairly pleased myself. I figured it wouldn't be Shangela since she literally just left, and I don't really miss any of the first few eliminees. Carmen's last effort was pitiful, but I still liked her a lot up 'til then. And she's such a fish.

Now that she's back, we head to the mini-challenge: a dunking booth. Each queen has two minutes to dunk the queen of their choice as many times as possible. Alexis fucking OWNS, dunking Yara an impressive 14 times. Yara (who gets Alexis back with 7) and Carmen are pretty good. Manila and Raja (who both dunk Carmen) SUCK. Lucky for Carmen, though she's still dunked twice.

Alexis wins and thus gets to choose the assignments for the main challenge--a drag makeover. They each get an athlete and have to turn him into their drag sibling.

Alexis assigns the athletes to the queens, giving the beefiest guys to Raja and Carmen and taking the Euro water polo player for herself.

The look of a masculine athlete who's just been asked if he's ever put his balls up above his penis:

I don't think Manila saying that there's a cavity up in your body that's like a winter cabin they [his balls] can go to if it gets too cold is much comfort.

The additional "surprise" extra challenge--creating and performing a cheer about safe sex--was probably the best part.

Raja's Cheer:
B-A-R-E-B-A-C-K
No bareback. No bareback
No no no bareback
I need a C (C!)
I need an O (O!)
Give me an N (N!)
How bout a D (D!)
Another O (O!)
Another M (M!) [Another?????]
What's that spell?
SAFE SEX!

Yara's cheer is unintelligible except the line about having a rubber to "catch that semen" and the repeated line: "Wrap your dick, wrap wrap your dick!"

Manila get bonus points for mentioning dental dams and diaphragms:
Always wear a condom
And use a dental dam
Abstinence is for boogers
But we love a diaphragm
A diaphragm. A what? A diaphragm. A who?
You can use a diaphragm with spermicidal lube!
Safe sex!

Anyway, here are the three best transformations:

Yara's guy looks the prettiest to me, but Manila takes the win. Here are the bottom two:

Raja couldn't have picked a frumpier look and, of course, Carmen had hers dress in almost nothing at all, but still calls Raja's sister a "Sprepper"--Sprite mixed with Dr. Pepper--"not necessarily a good thing".

Unsurprisingly, the queen brought back for a second try is given the boot, but not after a quite interesting lip sync where Raja takes off her skirt and Carmen promptly follows suit. And...it's basically soft core porn.

Is it bad that I'm really curious what the blur over Carmen's crotch looks like?

Ad Absurdum: Whitmer's Lighting

2011-04-04T18:57:00.000-04:00

Not only do I not enjoy the humor here, but they end with a terrible pun--Whitmer's Lighting, Where the Price is LIGHT! I'm surprised the guy isn't saying it with one of those rice paddy hats and pronouncing it "Whitmer's Righting, Where the Plice is Light!"

This guy thinks he's HILARIOUS. And apparently this lighting company is not the only one who agrees--he's also done spots for Bedford Nissan and Revol Wireless. Here's one (my "favorite") of the Nissan ones:

Seems like he's hoping to be like these guys.

I hadn't heard of them until this weekend, when I saw Dying to Do Letterman at the Cleveland International Film Festival. The directors/producers of the film mentioned their upcoming project, a show about these guys on IFC called Rhett and Link: Commercial Kings. A friend posted a link to one of their videos today, coincidentally, so I checked 'em out. The show should be interesting. Their stuff, if you're curious, is up here.

But enough of this chatter, I gotta go buy some lamps and a Nissan!

50 Books in 2011: Zombie Spaceship Wasteland

2011-04-03T20:47:00.000-04:00

Book #18 of 2011: Zombie Spaceship Wasteland by Patton Oswalt.

I did not like this as much as I was expecting to. In addition to just generally being interested in reading it, a friend had suggested it to me as well, so I had high hopes. Unfortunately, I'm not as much of a sci-fi/horror/whatever geek as Patton (or my recommending friend), so some of the references were lost on me.

Though some of the strictly comedic interludes were amusing, I think I would have preferred it as just a funny memoir instead of the mix of bibliographic stories and really random joke chapters (old Hobo songs, fake greeting cards, joke wine list). I think the contrast between the chapters, along with their shortness, prevented me from ever getting really sucked into the book as I would have liked to.

It's also quite short. Nice for adding to the books-read tally, but disappointing nonetheless.

50 Books in 2011: Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire

2011-04-03T19:33:00.000-04:00

Book #17 of 2011: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

Despite being a bit behind on my original self-imposed deadline for finishing this, it turns out I'm pretty on track--3 months left to finish the 3 remaining books in the series before the final film comes out in July.

Re-reading this one was interesting because, though I remembered the general gist of the key plot twist, I couldn't remember who exactly was involved/how exactly it worked, so it still held some mystery as I was reading.

Random thought snippets:
Cedric Diggory's dad is an asshole.
Cornelius Fudge is a bigger asshole.
Percy Weasley is a douchebag.
So is Ludo Bagman.
Fleur Delacour is a bitch (though she does tone it down a bit eventually).
This book has a lot (2?) of racism-based subplots. And neither of them is all that interesting to me. Maybe because I don't really like house elves (Racist!).
Couldn't Hermione straighten her hair every day in like 2 seconds with magic of some sort?

Dan and Josh's Freezer Pizza Review Blog

2011-03-30T22:38:00.002-04:00

My friend, Joshua Jesty, mentioned in my recent song snippet post, has a frozen pizza review blog with a friend. For whatever reason (the need for a female perspective, perhaps?), the dudes decided to let me in on their sometimes sweet sometimes not-so-sweet adventure in pizza reviewing, and here is my first contribution. [Read the entire post over at the Freezer Pizza Review Blog itself.]

Freschetta PizzAmoré 10-Topping Supreme Pizza

Now, I think it's being quite generous to say that this is a 10-topping pizza. Personally, I don't think a pizza is a pizza if there isn't cheese on it, so while I do think it's nice to have multiple cheeses, I don't think that having Mozzarella and Parmesan entitles you to call those two toppings. They also call garlic and oregano toppings. If there were big hunks of fresh herbs on my pizza, fine, call it a topping, but when someone (okay, a machine) just shook a McCormick "Italian Spices" mix over a frozen pizza, that's not a topping. So, if we're being honest about it, it's got 6 toppings: pepperoni, sausage, peppers x3 (green, red, AND yellow!), and roasted red onion.

I can't say that their "Fresch-Bake (TM)" Tray was particularly successful, despite the gimmickiness. Call the local news investigative reporter to look into this, because the claims are not true--it does NOT bake the crust evenly. The outer areas were almost burnt by the time the middle was done. Despite that fact, though, I did like the crust. It was probably the best thing about the pizza (I realize this is a rather backhanded compliment).

Reality-TV-cap: RuPaul's Drag Race, S3E10

2011-03-30T14:31:00.001-04:00

The mini-challenge for our 5 remaining queens: make a hairpiece out of "stuff found at a gay beach". Apparently gay beaches are just piles of inflatable palm trees, streamers, hula skirts, Kanye glasses, paper maché, and presumably, gays. This is the winner:

At least Yara kinda sorta made hers look like hair...with fish in it...

Manila's hat is devastated by the loss.

Meanwhile, Shangela, whose headpiece is "a parrot humping a dolphin", appears to be drinking from it...? Even if it's supposed to be like she's underwater and is using it to breathe, it's still just wrong.

Aaaaanywho, the main challenge is to create three looks: a classic style, a modern red carpet style, and a fantasy hair extravaganza.

And, (LAST MINUTE SURPRISE!) the fantasy hair extravaganza look not only has to include fantastic hair, but also a DRESS MADE OUT OF HAIR! Hope these gals have been studying up on Chris March designs.

Also hope Shangela has figured out how to sew. And do hair. And makeup.

Manila gets props for her "theme couture". This week's theme: bitchy bumblebee made out of hair.

Her "classic" look is also praised, but her red carpet look includes a large tiara for some reason and, according to Santino, makes her neck look mannish. I'm not sure how seriously to take Santino's criticisms at this point, however, since last week he wore a powdered wig and is now a cross between the Man with the Yellow Hat and a Brown Derby ad.

Raja does a "sexcretary" look, a punk (sarcastic surprise!) red carpet look, and...this:

Yara is named the winner for her disco queen classic look, her J. Lo-esque red carpet look, and her...scorpion poodle extravaganza.

Shangela and Alexis are in the bottom. Alexis because her classic hairstyle wasn't classic enough and her modern one wasn't modern enough. Shangela because of a lame red carpet look and general unimpressiveness.

During the lip sync, it seemed as though Alexis was really performing the song and, to quote Manila's interview, "feeling it with her body", while Shangela was just sort of doing an imitation of what she thought she should be doing. And, somehow, her wig was gone at the end, though I have no idea how this could have happened accidentally, and thus assume she did it on purpose for 'effect'.

Farewell, Shangela.

BUT WAIT! RuPaul gives us a last minute surprise--supposedly she has been criticized for her decisions about who to eliminate and, thus, will allow the other judges to confer and select one eliminated queen from this season to return next week. Personally, I haven't had any beef with her elimination choices, but, whatevs. Gotta go for the drama, I guess.

Whoever will they choose?

Your New Favorite Songs

2011-03-28T22:15:00.000-04:00

Okay, parts of songs, but still.

A friend of mine (check out his actual music or blog or frozen pizza review blog) was helping a friend of his who does this webcast thing (00:24) by putting together a few song snippets about cheatin'. Apparently no one else was available, so he asked me to help out.

This is clearly not the best way to share the results, but I don't know how to embed an actual player on here and, since doing it this way took more work than I thought, I don't feel like finding out right now. So, deal. [Or tell me how to do that.]

Now I'm Gonna Kill You

I Like Stealing My Friend's Girl

Steal You Away

I Had You And You And You

We Both (Screwed Her) [Wish he'd kept the autotune on this one]

And, since I just saw this promo for my friends' sketch comedy show and it is also a song of sorts, this:

50 Books in 2011: Super Sad True Love Story

2011-03-26T14:37:00.000-04:00

Book #16: Super Sad True Love Story by Gary Shteyngart.

The "sad" part of the title is no lie. The "love story" part...kinda is? [SPOILER ALERT?] I mean, if you consider it a love story when a rather obnoxious protagonist loves someone who is roughly 15 years younger seemingly for that reason and the fact that she's kinda messed up and is Asian and has absolutely nothing in common with her, but she ends up moving in with him for security's sake essentially, and then sorta develops love for him, but not really, because the entire time she's clearly interested in multiple other people and is usually a complete bitch. And neither of them ever seem to be very happy to be around the other, despite supposedly loving them. Then again, I guess you could argue that that all contributes to the "true" portion.

Basically, I erroneously judged this by its cover and sorta figured that the whole "super sad" thing would be a joke, but, alas, the book was indeed quite depressing. We open in what seems to be the near future. Corporations have all merged even further. The US has pretty much collapsed into an authoritarian state where status is determined entirely by credit score/wealth. Our protagonist works for a company that hopes to make people immortal. And, basically, everything is just bleak. And the bleakest part is that it's not really all that far fetched.

And, of course, things end up getting worse.

This guy seems to just panic about death all the time (which is just great to read about when I have some degree of that problem myself) while being generally inept at his job and life in general (also me).

Is it a good book? Yes. Do I kinda hesitate to say that because of how little I actually enjoyed what was happening and who it was happening to? Yes.

Reality-TV-cap: RuPaul's Drag Race, S3E9

2011-03-24T14:26:00.001-04:00

This week's mini-challenge is a game of musical chairs...mixed with a bit of Don't Forget the Lyrics. A RuPaul song plays while the girls walk around the chairs. Whoever's left standing must fill in the next lyric. If successful, she may pick anyone else to eliminate. If she fails, she's out. Manila ends up winning when Raja can't complete the...Tranny Chasers...? lyric.

The main challenge is to record RuPaul's new song, Superstar, in a specific musical genre. Manila wins first choice of genre and gets to choose the order of the others' choices. She chooses disco and lets Raja (punk) go next. Instead of choosing Carmen next, as everyone expected, Manila lets Yara go (pop). Then, she still doesn't pick Carmen, and has Alexis go (hip hop). Finally, it's Carmen's turn (reggae) and then, lastly, Shangela (country).

Shangela and Alexis hint that Manila's breaking up the Heathers with her ordering choices. Manila just claims it was easier/fairer to go straight down the line as they were standing at the time. Whatevs.

Now, the girls have to first record their version of the song, then perform it for a live audience. Since I can't provide the audio, I think the best way to illustrate how things went is with reaction shots.

The worst vocal offenders are Carmen, who just can't be bothered to try, and Yara, who sounds like Enrique Iglesias, but at least gives it her all. Even crabby awkward guy up there compliments her for that.

When it's time to perform, Carmen retains her bad attitude, since she doesn't want to perform to the shitty recording she made. Shangela wears a cheap looking "new country" outfit, but the vocals sound "making fun of traditional country". Also, she wears this shirt in the workroom:

Well, at least now I know how to spell it.

Raja puts on a good show with ridiculously mannish vocals. Apparently that doesn't bother the judges, because (condragulations) she wins.

Alexis, who had her big ole fake titties out, as per usual, gets dissed for it a bit by the judges. Somehow, Michelle Visage's complaint seems to be that "those aren't boobs". Um, hello? They're MEN. Only Stacy Layne Matthews had real boobs. Nonetheless, she also felt the need to share with us what "real boobs" are. Even though hers are just as fake.

Anywho, Yara, Manila, and Alexis are safe, putting Carmen and Shangela in the bottom. Carmen, for the umpteenth time this episode, seems like she just doesn't give a shit. And, thus, she is gone.

50 Books in 2011: Live From New York

2011-03-22T21:46:00.000-04:00

Book #15: Live From New York; An Uncensored History of Saturday Night Live as Told by its Stars, Writers, and Guests.

I'm not sure I even need to say that I liked this, because there was never really any doubt about that.

This style of book is almost always fascinating and generally moves very quickly. My only problem with the form is that there are often too many narrators to keep them straight--people's titles/roles tend only to be listed the first time or two that they're mentioned, but when 50 different people contribute to a story, I can't remember all of them.

It was weird to me, when reading about the first few years of the show (which seemed to take up a lot more space in the book than any other era, but, I guess I can see why. And, frankly, if they'd expanded the other eras to match, the thing would've been as big as Les Miserables instead of its already fairly lengthy 600 pages), that I had memories of the majority of the sketches mentioned, despite not having been born until the show was into its 7th year or so.

It was interesting, and somewhat encouraging, to me that Jane Curtin seems to have been a completely normal person, aside from working at SNL. She went to work, did her job, and went home to her husband. This, in the time period where everyone was doing coke and/or smoking weed all over the place.

There seemed to be opposing viewpoints about the presence of a gender bias on the show, with some people (some women) being rather upset about their treatment. Garrett Morris' comment on the subject was the best (ie most amusing): "Either it's that they were all niggers with me or I was a woman with them--because I got the same raw deal."

And, to end on a ridiculous note:
...he parts his bathrobe and he just takes out this--this anaconda. He lays it on the table and I'm looking into this thing, right? I'm looking into the head of Milton Berle's dick. It was enormous. It was like a pepperoni. And he goes, "What do you think of the boy?" And I'm looking right at it and I go, "Oh, it's really, really nice."

Reality-TV-cap: RuPaul's Drag Race, S3E8

2011-03-16T11:02:00.000-04:00

Everybody loves a little T and A. In this case, Tits...and America.

This episode, Ru arrives in some sort of cowboy getup to announce the mini-challenge: bra decoration. The girls each get a plain black bra and have to bedazzle the fuck out of it to win the challenge. And, I'm not just using the word "bedazzle" lightly. They seriously have Bedazzlers.

Frankly, Raja's looks the most practical, despite her attempt to...highlight the nipple area. Much better than the huge gob of glitter that makes up Shangela's "portrait of Ru" and certainly more useful for every day wear than Manila's "submarine inspired" bra with nipple holes.

Manila wins for her torpedoes and gets an extra few minutes in the main challenge--a PSA about why they love America. This is how she takes advantage of it:

Generally, low-brow humor is totally alright with me, but something about Manila's version of it just never works. She starts by saying "I like to eat out...at different kinds of restaurants!". Oi.

Raja looks good, but is dry as hell. Carmen is equally dull, though her interview segment gives us this gem: "The American Dream for me is to have wigs and jewelry, hot dogs and balloons". Amen, girl. Or, as Shangela is probably saying somewhere at this, and pretty much every, moment, Halleluh. Halleluj? Halleloo? Whatever.

None of these are as good as Ongina's emotional HIV PSA in Season 1, but Alexis comes closest. Her PSA is absurd and funny (RuPaul is literally kicking his legs laughing at it) and her background inspirational story is touching. And, as in any really good PSA, she holds a big sausage for part of it.

Chorizo: the most American of sausages. I guess a Slim Jim would've been...inadequate.

The gals' runway presentation is supposed to be their best patriotic drag...which I would've thought was what they just used in the PSA, but apparently drag queens keep on hand multiple patriotic outfits. To Santino, apparently patriotism involves old timey wigs. Guess that shouldn't be a surprise.

Despite being Indonesian, Raja dusts of a middle school Thanksgiving pageant Native American costume. And, despite me making fun of it just now, it was pretty fierce.

Too bad her PSA led Johnny Weir to call her a wet, dead fish...

Alexis is the winner. Carmen and Yara are left to lip sync for their lives. I suppose I agree, but pretty much all of the PSAs except for Alexis' were fairly crappy. And Shangela also flubbed the runway presentation. Whatevs.

The gals have to lip sync to "Hey Mickey"...in Spanish. It's actually slightly less annoying en espanol. Since Carmen doesn't really speak Spanish, I'm not sure this is particularly fair. If Manila and Raja had been in the bottom, would that still have been the plan?

It's a good performance by both girls. Fluent or no, Carmen learned her lyrics. And how to seduce the judges. Literally--she kisses Johnny during the song.

The outcome? Everybody's in!...except Michelle Visage's boobs, which are ALWAYS OUT.

My New Favorite Song

2011-03-09T22:57:00.000-05:00

Among today's headlines: "Trace Adkins Apologizes for 'Brown Chicken Brown Cow'"

When I first read the sentence, I remembered Brown Chicken Brown Cow being some sort of joke punchline, but couldn't immediately remember exactly what it was [cue Urban Dictionary].

Apparently it is also country singer Trace Adkins' latest song, and many of his more traditional fans are upset by it.

He doesn't, BTW, apologize for it at all (despite the title of the article indicating otherwise), but it turns out that he needn't anyway, because this shit's hilarious. Once I watched it, I had to share.

Behold, Brown Chicken Brown Cow:

I love how into it this guy is:

And how apparently the pigs on this farm have read/watched the Mystery Method/the Pickup Artist.

And how an already really weird concept manages to get even weirder when a striptease turns into a removal of eyeballs, hair, and face...Hot?

Also, the brown chicken fucks the brown cow.

50 Books in 2011: The War for Late Night

2011-03-09T12:58:00.000-05:00

Book #14: the War for Late Night; When Leno Went Early and Television Went Crazy by Bill Carter.

As I've told a few friends while reading this, the guy's writing style doesn't do much for me, but since he's got an interesting story to work with, it doesn't matter very much. I only really thought about how I wasn't digging his style when he used too many cliched similes/metaphors--
"...taking candy from one baby and offering it to another..."
"...throwing its few remaining floating toys out with the bath water..."
"...clicked the pieces into place like an elaborately designed Lego construction..."
"...Jeff Zucker had his own Cardinal Richelieu, a behind-the-scenes eminence grise, a confidant he trusted completely..."

Eminence grise? Sure.

I've never had more than an "Oh, headlines are kinda funny" appreciation for Jay Leno and this did not change that. The whole thing was not his fault, per se, but his ridiculous contract (NBC had agreed to pay him and guarantee he'd be on TV in some capacity for the length of the contract) and his popularity with older folks drove Conan away, whether that was his intention or no. Sure, he got a raw deal, too, being forced away from the Tonight Show when he was still winning in the ratings, but he agreed to that.

One of the most interesting aspects of the whole thing is what the author referred to as "taste vs. numbers". It's best illustrated by this quote from Jeff Garlin:

"The people that Jay appeals to are not comedy fans. It's just the general public. Letterman and Conan appeal to people who are comedy fans. It's like comparing John Coltrane to Kenny G. One of Kenny G's albums probably sold more than all of John Coltrane's library. But you can't tell me for a second that Kenny G is better than John Coltrane".

In this argument, at least, I am pro-taste.

Reality-TV-cap: RuPaul's Drag Race S3E7

2011-03-08T22:05:00.000-05:00

As usual, we open on Stacy's lipstick goodbye to the others. It's followed by Delta saying, "Stacy should probably never have been here--she didn't meet the criteria". I TOLD YOU SHE WAS A REAL WOMAN! That's what she's implying, right? Or is she just implying that she wasn't very good? Whatev.

My initial caption for that photo: Don't forget your sandwiches! Oh you boys look so lovely in your little outfits. I just wanna eat you up. Look at all your different colored hats!
But, the video associated with that does not match Ru's look as much as I thought it did. It's still really awesome, though:

Anywho, the mini-challenge is "reading"/"throwing shade". I hope you already know those bits of vocabulary, because I think they got too lazy to bother helping out with definitions like they did earlier in the season. Shangela's shade throwing reigns supreme. My favorite dis: she turns to Delta and says, "Mimi Imfurst...". Nice.

The main challenge is for each girl to create a stand-up comedy routine and wear an appropriate "funny" outfit. Shangela will determine the order of performances and get an extra 10 minutes with guest mentor Rita Rudner.

In order to try to fuck with the Heathers, Shangela puts Raja first, has Manila follow her own performance, and puts Delta last, describing the Heather/non-Heather breakdown as Team Talent vs. Team Look.

Raja does a Carrie-themed set. Seems really, really random, but it works somehow.

Carmen's follow-up is equally...creative.

Our Puerto Rican queens bring their spirit to the challenge, in the form of a "little person ~~on speed~~ ~~in a meringue contest~~" guise for Yara and exercise ball-sized boobs for Alexis. Rita Rudner calls Yara's performance "the most unusual act I've ever seen". Good job?

Shangela tries "postmodern pimp/ho" character. Her look was nothing to write home about, but her routine did well with the crowd. Manila somehow didn't seem to realize that talking about Bert & Ernie is old hat and Delta was apparently depressing. They didn't show much of Delta's set, so, I guess that speaks for itself. Manila and Delta are up for elimination.

The song was super dramatic, which was pretty funny since Delta was wearing a t-shirt with bikini bod design. The lip sync resulted in probably the best screen shot I have ever taken. Observe:

This one is a close second:

She's crying for Delta, not for herself, because she's staying. See ya around, Delta Work.

50 Books in 2011: Never Let Me Go

2011-03-07T15:33:00.001-05:00

Book #13 of 2011: Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro. When I picked this up at the library, I wasn't even sure I'd end up reading it. I'd heard of it quite awhile ago but never really knew anything about it before I saw the movie preview, and, so was not as motivated as I was with some other things I'd checked out.

TIME claims it is the best novel of the decade. I wouldn't go that far, but I did think it was very good.

A central issue that, I imagine, I am supposed to be contemplating is that the characters in the book make no effort whatsoever to change their, for lack of a better word, destinies. (Those destinies, BTW, are to donate their internal organs to people and then die.) I'm not sure whether this is supposed to lead me to question scientific advances without due ethical consideration or question my own place in a society with different, but no less tragic, inevitabilities. Perhaps both.

On a (maybe?) less philosophical note, it's interesting to me that it's set in the "late" 1990s--this is spelled out in the front matter for some reason, but it never seemed important. My assumption would be that this setting was to make the story feel closer to home than if it were set in, say, the 2200s. But, nothing about the actual text seemed like the 1990s. I suppose that most of it didn't seem particularly tied to any time period, but the notion of isolated boarding schools feels older, and, though the students are quite isolated and, thus, perhaps anachronistic, you'd think they'd at least have CDs instead of cassettes. I can see why they would not have the latest in technology, but, I think that it should have been illustrated somehow that the rest of society did. Basically, it doesn't tell me much about how isolated they are if I don't know what they're missing. Yes, I can assume that there were computers and CDs and whatnot, but, this is clearly an alternate reality, so I don't know anything about it if it's not in the text.

The "Official" Ron Swanson Aging Timeline

2011-03-03T22:47:00.000-05:00

1980:

1990:

2000:

2005:

2011:

2025:

2100:

No, no, that can't be right. Just see 2011 for all future dates.

Reality-TV-cap: RuPaul's Drag Race S3E6

2011-03-02T23:20:00.002-05:00

This week's opening shows us that a clique has formed among the contestants: the Heathers. These self-proclaimed "pretty girls" are: Manila, Raja, Delta, and Carmen. Much like their namesake, some of them do not seem to be very pretty on the inside--Manila and Raja are quite bitchy about Shangela this episode, and Raja is especially casually mean when asked who she thinks should go home at the end of the episode.

We find out that this week's mini-challenge is a "tasteful intimate feminine portrait".
Oh, and did we mention nude?
Guess who's not too happy about that.

It turns out, there's some fabric kicking around for the nervous gals--Stacy and Delta use it, as does Alexis, who claims we're about to find out why she's been single for so long. I'm not sure if that was supposed to come across as a penis size issue or not, but that's what I assumed... Delta ends up embracing the challenge, and, of course, miss model Raja does a good job, but Carmen emerges victorious.

I guess all that time spent walking around the workroom naked have finally paid off.

I guess if you dress like a woman enough, you start to cover your chest with your hands as if you're covering your breasts for a Rolling Stone cover.

Carmen's prize is to assign everyone a cake, that they'll then use as inspiration for a couture gown. She gives the good cakes (I guess. Not really sure how any of these are really that great or terrible) to the Heathers and the bad ones to the non-Heathers and takes a princess cake for herself. I have never heard of princess cake, but apparently it involves custard and marzipan. Or, if her look is any indication, side parts, ruffles, and forehead tiaras. Yum.

Shangela, SURPRISE, hasn't learned to sew in the last few weeks, and so is at quite a disadvantage. She gets help from Alexis and Yara, and ends up scraping by in her Pineapple Upside Down Cake outfit, but not without a lot of disdain from the Heathers.

Manila does several odd rabbit/carrot impressions that somehow land her among the best, despite her weird reverse raccoon makeup.

Something about that look reminds me of the dog in How the Grinch Stole Christmas.

Alexis lands in the bottom for her cheesecake dress, supposedly because it's not flattering, but I've seen plenty of "high-fashion" and "couture" garments that are far from flattering. I give her points for it being clearly cheesecake inspired.

Stacy joins her in the bottom for her Red Velvet dress, which is just a velour capri sweatsuit with some alterations (now that I agree should be in the bottom).

Raja wins for her Chocolate Lava Cake, despite the fact that her adult diaper is clearly visible during her runway walk.

I thought Yara's Strawberry Shortcake was quite pretty and Delta's Angel Food Cake was just meh; they both landed somewhere in the middle.

Alexis and Stacy battle it out with a lip sync to Knock on Wood and Alexis stays. Sorry, Stacy. But, I was never completely convinced you were even really a drag queen and not a woman.

Charlie Sheen Inspirational Posters

2011-03-01T19:50:00.001-05:00

I've seen a TON of Charlie Sheen jokes today, but this idea came to me and I just had to do it.

25 Movies to See Before Oscar Night: Update V

2011-02-25T15:41:00.000-05:00

Current (and probably final, at least before the actual Oscars) tally: 21/25

Animal Kingdom
This was a bothersome film. In a good way. As a friend said on Facebook a few days ago, it's bleak. Several moments were very upsetting. Most of the other aspects of it that I'd discuss are major spoilers, so, we can talk if you've seen it.

Inside Job
Somehow I'd never really heard about this, or at least never actually taken notice of it. I liked Waiting for Superman better. It's such a complex, daunting issue that I sort of found myself getting lost in it, even though they were making it easy enough to follow. Like Waiting for Superman, I felt like I was supposed to be doing something afterward to fix the problem, but in neither case am I really sure that that thing is.

(Previous movies after the jump)

the King's Speech
This was, as I'd heard it would be, very good--despite the annoying ringing-ears-type noise that was happening in the theatre, I still really liked it. I almost want Geoffrey Rush to win the award for Supporting Actor for it, but I can't quite, because Christian Bale was just that good. Watching it was also useful to point out how little I know about British history. Guess I have nothing to be ashamed about there since I'm not British (well, not citizenship-wise), but, still.

the Town
Say what you will about Ben Affleck, but he's not a bad director. Though the ending had me cracking some Shawshank Redemption jokes. And, if Boston is really like that, I have even less interest (if possible) in going there.

Waiting for Superman
Me watching Waiting for Superman: "Oh, hey, it's the guy from those American Express commercials!" This did not end up getting the nomination that was expected of it (Best Documentary), and I guess I'll have to watch the ones that did to find out why, because it was pretty good. They used a nice narrative framework and had some cute and effective animations to go along with facts that might otherwise have proved tedious. I ended up emotionally invested in it before the end, too.

127 Hours
I'll start here by saying that this is not my type of film. It's probably not a lot of people's type of film. I'll also say that I am one of the (I think) few who just thought Slumdog Millionaire was good, not fantastic. Also, I watched this kinda late at night and may have been close to falling asleep. In other words, I can't in good conscience wear one of those "I kept my eyes open for 127 Hours" shirts, but not because I had to look away from the horrors. Allllll of that said, James Franco did a great job and the actual real life story is, obviously, amazing.

Burlesque
It would be easy to say this was stupid and be done with it, but, despite the plot being (for me) pretty predictable, I didn't find myself minding that. The music was hit or miss--Christina Aguilera and Cher both need to tone down their extreme Aguilera-ness and Cher-ness, respectively. Despite enjoying watching it, it's hard to suspend disbelief on the fact that Aguilera's character could just move to LA from Iowa and then instantly be able to join a show on no notice, let alone what she accomplishes after that. Other notes: Stanley Tucci is awesome. And, if you want to see Cam Gigandet standing around naked, holding a box of Famous Amos cookies in front of his privates, this is the film for you. And, if you didn't realize this, Cam Gigandet is attractive. Possibly the most important thing I learned from this film (I only know his name at all from him being in Twilight, in which he was rather grody-looking).

Winter's Bone
I didn't know much about this before seeing it, but I'd been hearing about how good it is for months. I think all the buzz about it took away from it a little bit. It moved a bit slow for me and I had a bit of trouble following who the various characters were, but the acting was really good. The sort of extreme struggles of lower-class Americans theme was better done (for me) in Frozen River a few years ago.

How to Train Your Dragon
I'm glad this was on this list, because I don't think I would've watched it otherwise. I was very pleasantly surprised. I liked it more than Toy Story 3. I wish it had a chance of winning, but I'm pretty sure it does not. The main dragon was amazingly adorable and the story was good. Plus it had McLovin' (fine, Christopher Mintz-Plasse) and Craig Ferguson. I was a little taken aback by how casually they dealt with a difficult ending.

Tangled
This one did not particularly impress me. It was decent, but not fantastic. The villain was just too annoying for me to take, even in small doses. I know villains have to be villains and all, but it was just too much. Every single sentence coming out of her mouth was obnoxious. If I were Rapunzel I think I'd have tried to kill her years ago. The best character was the chameleon. Aside from the chameleon, my favorite characters were Rapunzel's parents, who we only see for a few moments. I had problems letting go of my disbelief about the physics of the whole thing--I'm cool with her hair being magic or whatever, but how the hell can she hold her head up with like 50 feet of hair, let alone let people climb it and use it as a rope to swing across chasms? The romance part was nice, though.

Alice in Wonderland
I hadn't really heard anything great about this, so I was surprised it was on the list. My guess is that it may be nominated for some visual stuff, but no acting, writing, or directing awards. I liked it more than I thought I would, but still not all that much. The quirky supposed-to-be-humorous parts didn't really work for me, but the more dramatic parts did. I did feel for the Hatter, for example, but his little celebration dance and, especially, Alice doing the dance back in her own world, just seemed stupid.

Black Swan
Darren Aronofsky, despite his silly mustache, is one of my favorite directors. His films are often far from fun to watch (Requiem for a Dream, anyone?), but they always make you feel something. There were a few moments where I wasn't sure what he was thinking, but overall, I thought it was pretty awesome. Pleased that Natalie Portman won a Golden Globe last night for her performance.

Blue Valentine
It seems as though each awards season brings, in addition to one period piece, one film about the disintegration of a marriage. This is that film this year. I'm not sure why modern filmmakers are so obsessed with making me doubt the institution of marriage, but at least they seem to be working really hard to make good films while they're at it. I'm not sure I cared as much about the couple as I was supposed to, but certain moments hit very hard. Plus, it's hard not to care about Ryan Gosling.

The Social Network
I saw the Social Network back in September...and again in October. As this probably indicates, I really liked it. I would be totally happy with it winning Best Picture (for now, anyway--perhaps something else on the list will impress me). I wasn't sure I'd like it, since I practically hated Benjamin Button, but it definitely more than won me over. It might have helped that Facebook has been more significant in my life than I should admit since 2006, but mostly I just think that Fincher knows how to make a good story and the stars knew how to act.

Inception
It's been awhile since I saw this, too. In addition to deserving recognition for the acting and the excellent visuals, I appreciate how the very concept of the movie was a novel one. While dreams are always a possible subject for ambitious film-makers, this one definitely took it to new places. I'm also not sure I could dislike anything where Joseph Gordon-Levitt has a fight scene that takes place in a room that keeps spinning/flipping.

The Fighter
I have read about how they tried to make everyone seem realistic (it is based on a true story, after all), but I still feel as though the gaggle of sisters were a bit of a caricature (Sorry if you're really like that, ladies). I don't think this deserves any screenplay awards, and I doubt it'll really be in the running for directing, but Christian Bale deserves a Supporting Actor award. And, yes, I liked Mark~~y Mark~~ Wahlberg. Say hi to your mother for me.

Toy Story 3
I didn't love this as much as it generally seems to be loved, but it was definitely good and, of course, I wept heartily. I have a feeling it would have been a little better if I remembered more details of Toy Stories 1 and 2. Frankly I'm not even sure I've seen Toy Story 2. For some reason, I just don't have the love affair with Pixar that everyone else seems to have. I appreciate their work, but it's not a given that I'll see something they make (I've never seen Cars, Monster's Inc, or even Finding Nemo). I'm really not sure why. Overall, I prefer Wall-E.

The Kids Are All Right
Apparently I'm not the only one who didn't feel enough for the main characters, played excellently by Julianne Moore and Annette Bening. I don't want to ruin the ending, so I can't really discuss what disappointed me about it. I suppose the general message of it as far as marriage is concerned is a good one, but I'm not even sure about that. However, the kids were, in fact, all right.

True Grit
I feel I must begin with the disclaimer that I generally do not love the Coen brothers as much as it seems I am supposed to. I still need to watch a few of their 'classic' films, but aside from a nostalgic affection for the Big Lebowski that I think most people my age have, I cannot name one that I love. Their last outing, A Serious Man, did not do much of anything for me. That said, I liked this. I didn't love it, though. Unfortunately, I am finding it impossible to articulate why. Three partial/possible reasons: the ending came quite abruptly to me, there was a character who did nothing but make animal sounds, and the first scene with Matt Damon.

Get Low
I had pretty much zero interest in this when it came out a few months ago. A movie entirely built upon the premise of a living funeral for a crotchety old man didn't really appeal to me. I'm glad I watched it, and it was good but, I didn't fall in love with it. They essentially keep the reason for his isolation/crotchety-ness a mystery until the end of the film, except for brief flashbacks here and there. This, for the most part, worked, but I didn't feel enough build-up and the ending just sorta dropped off. Robert Duvall, Bill Murray, and Lucas Black (?) were very good.

The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
I am quite curious how I would have felt about this film had I not already read the book upon which it is based. It takes a bit of steam out of a mystery when you already know how things will turn out. I thought the acting was good and I liked the aesthetics (if it weren't for all that violence, it may have made me want to visit Sweden...). I also think they handled some difficult material pretty well. They left out a few characters from the book that may present problems connecting everything in the next two films, but, I suppose that's neither here nor there...

What's left:
Rabbit Hole
Another Year
Biutiful
The Illusionist

Reality-TV-cap: RuPaul's Drag Race, S3E5

2011-02-23T23:06:00.000-05:00

As usual, this week's episode opens with the last lipstick message of the eliminee (I know, not a word, but whatevs) being wiped from the mirror. But, this time we also got to see some of the girls give Manila shit for her Asian stereotype. I didn't particularly *like* it or think it was good, but I certainly don't think it was offensive. Then again, I'm not living with a bunch of drag queens with no contact with the outside world, so maybe my idea of what's offensive doesn't match theirs.

In any event, the mini-challenge is a word game called S**t RuPaul Says. Well, that's how they print it, but, I'll go ahead and say it: Shit RuPaul Says. The prize: a phone call home. Shangela makes a big deal out of how she'd love to call her grandmother, which in my jaded 'how did they edit this?' view told me that she was NOT going to win.

I'm not sure if they sped things up for airtime's sake, but I sure as hell wouldn't have been able to guess these as fast it seemed like they were. I mean, come on:

That's a thing?

Delta manages to figure that one out somehow and wins the challenge (cut to Shangela's pouty face).

But it turns out that Shangela pouted too soon, for Delta decides that she doesn't really need the phone call and gives it to her. AWWWWWWWW.

And this brings us to the main challenge: SNATCH GAME! For those unfamiliar with Snatch Game, it's Match Game. For those unfamiliar with Match Game, I'm sorry. Basically, each gal will be impersonating a celebrity and playing a fill-in-the-blank game where the goal is for the contestants (Aisha Tyler and Amber Rose) to match their answers.

We find out that we will be seeing Delta as Cher, Raja as Tyra Banks, Yara as Amy Winehouse, Carmen as J. Lo, Alexis as Alicia Keys, Stacy as ~~Anna Nicole Smith~~ Monique, Mariah as Joan Crawford, Manila as Emelda Marcos, and Shangela as Tina Turner. What I learned from the Snatch Game:

Emelda Marcos was retarded. (I already knew she loved shoes).

Alicia Keys is a poor speller.

In case you can't figure that out sans context, that card is supposed to say "douche".

Amy Winehouse is a crazy Latina with the entire inventory of a yarn store on her head. Who actually kinda looks like Mary Louise Parker...with the entire inventory of a yarn store on her head.

Smizing may cause eye bleeding.

And Mo'nique wasn't acting in Precious. It did feel quite natural...

I definitely wasn't blown away by any of the impressions, but I most enjoyed Stacy's Monique. It really saved her ass, since she was originally planning to do Anna Nicole Smith just by wearing a pink outfit. Though the smizing thing was creative, I didn't find Raja's Tyra to be very true to form. I'm not really sure how Alicia Keys acts, but Alexis certainly looked the part. Yara's Amy Winehouse was just ridiculous. She seems to think that British people sound like they're trying to purr while talking. I'm not sure if this was because she was trying to act drunk and British or what. It was funny, but not in the right way.

We find out that Raja, Stacy, and Alexis are the top 3. Okay.

Yara, Delta, and Mariah are in the bottom. Yara's presence here is not a surprise, but I didn't think Delta was that bad. Not good, but not that bad. She just only nailed the voice one of the three times she tried it. I think Manila got a pass because no one knows what the hell Emelda Marcos sounds like, but she did pretty much exactly the same thing she did last week, and I didn't even like it then.

Delta and Mariah must lip sync for their lives. This was the dullest lip sync in awhile. Granted, there have been some crazy hijinks in the lip syncs this season that have probably altered my expectations, but nonetheless. Delta emerges victorious, and Mariah is out. I think everyone is too distracted by Yara's crazy contacts to put her in the bottom...

By the way, no one got any points in the Snatch Game. And they ignored one of the most famous aspects. Snatch Game was so crazy... HOW CRAZY WAS IT?

50 Books in 2011: Harry Potter & the Chamber of Secrets / & the Prisoner of Azkaban

2011-02-22T19:22:00.002-05:00

Books #9 and #12 of 2011: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets and Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.

As you can tell from the numbers, I finished Chamber of Secrets a bit ago, but I kept putting off posting about it and then decided I might as well just wait until I finished Azkaban, too. I liked Chamber of Secrets more this time than when I initially read it back in the day. One thing that did bother me, though, was how stupid Harry and Ron are about getting to Hogwarts. Their misadventure ends up saving their asses later, but, it seems strange that Harry, who is so worried about getting into trouble, would go along with a plan that was basically guaranteed to get him into serious (not to be confused with Sirius) trouble. It was a nice reminder of how much I love Fawkes, though.

Prisoner of Azkaban was as awesome as ever. It's been my favorite since my initial reading and will clearly always be. This book is the last one where things are relatively cheerful--yes, serious stuff is going down, but not that serious. Mortal danger is encountered, but brushed off, as in the first two books. The only tears shed, if any, are of happiness (unless you get really worried about Buckbeak). I still wish things could have turned out differently after this. Or that *spoiler alert* Sirius could be there at the end of the series. But, alas, I'll have to just hold on to this book and think of what might have been.

50 Books in 2011: Shades of Grey

2011-02-22T13:53:00.001-05:00

Book #11 of 2011: Shades of Grey. Jasper Fforde is mostly known for his Thursday Next series, which I've never read, but seems to be a book-themed mystery thing, and his Nursery Crime books, which I have read and thought were just okay. I definitely liked this a great deal more than those and I suppose that is largely owed to the imaginative setting.

Our protagonist, Eddie, lives in a world divided by color. Not skin color, mind you, but the visible spectrum. Eddie, as his surname--Russett--suggests, can see reds. Once he takes his Ishihara, he will know how much red he can see, and that will largely determine his future. Not only is color how the social hierarchy is decided, but it is also the focal point of the entire society--sickness and health are affected by looking at different hues and regions of the country are always striving to meet quotas of scrap color that...I dunno...is apparently necessary for some reason. And, I suppose I should mention, the bottom of the hierarchy are the greys, who seem to be treated mostly as slaves by everyone else.

We're not told where the story takes place in our own geographical terms, but since I'm American, I pictured it here (just as I did when reading the Hunger Games). Here in a few centuries or so, after the "something that happened" got rid of us and created this crazy color world and after we'd apparently discovered roads that could remove debris and work as conveyor belts, yet still had Model Ts around for some reason? Hey, whatever.

Anywho, we join Eddie in a journey to a remote area where he is being sent to learn humility by conducting a chair census and his dad is going to replace the village's swatchman (doctor). Aside from the practical joke that got him sent out here, Eddie is a model citizen, following the multitude of rules. But this village doesn't operate as he expected. In fact, nothing does. But, for more about that, you should read the book.

Also, there's a bit of romance.

And probably two sequels.

25 Movies to See Before Oscar Night: Update IV

2011-02-20T21:20:00.000-05:00

Current tally: 19/25

the King's Speech
This was, as I'd heard it would be, very good--despite the annoying ringing-ears-type noise that was happening in the theatre, I still really liked it. I almost want Geoffrey Rush to win the award for Supporting Actor for it, but I can't quite, because Christian Bale was just that good. Watching it was also useful to point out how little I know about British history. Guess I have nothing to be ashamed about there since I'm not British (well, not citizenship-wise), but, still.

the Town
Say what you will about Ben Affleck, but he's not a bad director. Though the ending had me cracking some Shawshank Redemption jokes. And, if Boston is really like that, I have even less interest (if possible) in going there.

Waiting for Superman
Me watching Waiting for Superman: "Oh, hey, it's the guy from those American Express commercials!" This did not end up getting the nomination that was expected of it (Best Documentary), and I guess I'll have to watch the ones that did to find out why, because it was pretty good. They used a nice narrative framework and had some cute and effective animations to go along with facts that might otherwise have proved tedious. I ended up emotionally invested in it before the end, too.

127 Hours
I'll start here by saying that this is not my type of film. It's probably not a lot of people's type of film. I'll also say that I am one of the (I think) few who just thought Slumdog Millionaire was good, not fantastic. Also, I watched this kinda late at night and may have been close to falling asleep. In other words, I can't in good conscience wear one of those "I kept my eyes open for 127 Hours" shirts, but not because I had to look away from the horrors. Allllll of that said, James Franco did a great job and the actual real life story is, obviously, amazing.

Burlesque
It would be easy to say this was stupid and be done with it, but, despite the plot being (for me) pretty predictable, I didn't find myself minding that. The music was hit or miss--Christina Aguilera and Cher both need to tone down their extreme Aguilera-ness and Cher-ness, respectively. Despite enjoying watching it, it's hard to suspend disbelief on the fact that Aguilera's character could just move to LA from Iowa and then instantly be able to join a show on no notice, let alone what she accomplishes after that. Other notes: Stanley Tucci is awesome. And, if you want to see Cam Gigandet standing around naked, holding a box of Famous Amos cookies in front of his privates, this is the film for you. And, if you didn't realize this, Cam Gigandet is attractive. Possibly the most important thing I learned from this film (I only know his name at all from him being in Twilight, in which he was rather grody-looking).

(Previous movies after the jump)

Winter's Bone
I didn't know much about this before seeing it, but I'd been hearing about how good it is for months. I think all the buzz about it took away from it a little bit. It moved a bit slow for me and I had a bit of trouble following who the various characters were, but the acting was really good. The sort of extreme struggles of lower-class Americans theme was better done (for me) in Frozen River a few years ago.

How to Train Your Dragon
I'm glad this was on this list, because I don't think I would've watched it otherwise. I was very pleasantly surprised. I liked it more than Toy Story 3. I wish it had a chance of winning, but I'm pretty sure it does not. The main dragon was amazingly adorable and the story was good. Plus it had McLovin' (fine, Christopher Mintz-Plasse) and Craig Ferguson. I was a little taken aback by how casually they dealt with a difficult ending.

Tangled
This one did not particularly impress me. It was decent, but not fantastic. The villain was just too annoying for me to take, even in small doses. I know villains have to be villains and all, but it was just too much. Every single sentence coming out of her mouth was obnoxious. If I were Rapunzel I think I'd have tried to kill her years ago. The best character was the chameleon. Aside from the chameleon, my favorite characters were Rapunzel's parents, who we only see for a few moments. I had problems letting go of my disbelief about the physics of the whole thing--I'm cool with her hair being magic or whatever, but how the hell can she hold her head up with like 50 feet of hair, let alone let people climb it and use it as a rope to swing across chasms? The romance part was nice, though.

Alice in Wonderland
I hadn't really heard anything great about this, so I was surprised it was on the list. My guess is that it may be nominated for some visual stuff, but no acting, writing, or directing awards. I liked it more than I thought I would, but still not all that much. The quirky supposed-to-be-humorous parts didn't really work for me, but the more dramatic parts did. I did feel for the Hatter, for example, but his little celebration dance and, especially, Alice doing the dance back in her own world, just seemed stupid.

Black Swan
Darren Aronofsky, despite his silly mustache, is one of my favorite directors. His films are often far from fun to watch (Requiem for a Dream, anyone?), but they always make you feel something. There were a few moments where I wasn't sure what he was thinking, but overall, I thought it was pretty awesome. Pleased that Natalie Portman won a Golden Globe last night for her performance.

Blue Valentine
It seems as though each awards season brings, in addition to one period piece, one film about the disintegration of a marriage. This is that film this year. I'm not sure why modern filmmakers are so obsessed with making me doubt the institution of marriage, but at least they seem to be working really hard to make good films while they're at it. I'm not sure I cared as much about the couple as I was supposed to, but certain moments hit very hard. Plus, it's hard not to care about Ryan Gosling.

The Social Network
I saw the Social Network back in September...and again in October. As this probably indicates, I really liked it. I would be totally happy with it winning Best Picture (for now, anyway--perhaps something else on the list will impress me). I wasn't sure I'd like it, since I practically hated Benjamin Button, but it definitely more than won me over. It might have helped that Facebook has been more significant in my life than I should admit since 2006, but mostly I just think that Fincher knows how to make a good story and the stars knew how to act.

Inception
It's been awhile since I saw this, too. In addition to deserving recognition for the acting and the excellent visuals, I appreciate how the very concept of the movie was a novel one. While dreams are always a possible subject for ambitious film-makers, this one definitely took it to new places. I'm also not sure I could dislike anything where Joseph Gordon-Levitt has a fight scene that takes place in a room that keeps spinning/flipping.

The Fighter
I have read about how they tried to make everyone seem realistic (it is based on a true story, after all), but I still feel as though the gaggle of sisters were a bit of a caricature (Sorry if you're really like that, ladies). I don't think this deserves any screenplay awards, and I doubt it'll really be in the running for directing, but Christian Bale deserves a Supporting Actor award. And, yes, I liked Mark~~y Mark~~ Wahlberg. Say hi to your mother for me.

Toy Story 3
I didn't love this as much as it generally seems to be loved, but it was definitely good and, of course, I wept heartily. I have a feeling it would have been a little better if I remembered more details of Toy Stories 1 and 2. Frankly I'm not even sure I've seen Toy Story 2. For some reason, I just don't have the love affair with Pixar that everyone else seems to have. I appreciate their work, but it's not a given that I'll see something they make (I've never seen Cars, Monster's Inc, or even Finding Nemo). I'm really not sure why. Overall, I prefer Wall-E.

The Kids Are All Right
Apparently I'm not the only one who didn't feel enough for the main characters, played excellently by Julianne Moore and Annette Bening. I don't want to ruin the ending, so I can't really discuss what disappointed me about it. I suppose the general message of it as far as marriage is concerned is a good one, but I'm not even sure about that. However, the kids were, in fact, all right.

True Grit
I feel I must begin with the disclaimer that I generally do not love the Coen brothers as much as it seems I am supposed to. I still need to watch a few of their 'classic' films, but aside from a nostalgic affection for the Big Lebowski that I think most people my age have, I cannot name one that I love. Their last outing, A Serious Man, did not do much of anything for me. That said, I liked this. I didn't love it, though. Unfortunately, I am finding it impossible to articulate why. Three partial/possible reasons: the ending came quite abruptly to me, there was a character who did nothing but make animal sounds, and the first scene with Matt Damon.

Get Low
I had pretty much zero interest in this when it came out a few months ago. A movie entirely built upon the premise of a living funeral for a crotchety old man didn't really appeal to me. I'm glad I watched it, and it was good but, I didn't fall in love with it. They essentially keep the reason for his isolation/crotchety-ness a mystery until the end of the film, except for brief flashbacks here and there. This, for the most part, worked, but I didn't feel enough build-up and the ending just sorta dropped off. Robert Duvall, Bill Murray, and Lucas Black (?) were very good.

The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
I am quite curious how I would have felt about this film had I not already read the book upon which it is based. It takes a bit of steam out of a mystery when you already know how things will turn out. I thought the acting was good and I liked the aesthetics (if it weren't for all that violence, it may have made me want to visit Sweden...). I also think they handled some difficult material pretty well. They left out a few characters from the book that may present problems connecting everything in the next two films, but, I suppose that's neither here nor there...

What's left:
Rabbit Hole
Another Year
Biutiful
Animal Kingdom
Inside Job
The Illusionist

Reality-TV-cap: RuPaul's Drag Race, S3E4

2011-02-16T22:50:00.001-05:00

The star of this week's episode was clearly the fashion...and lack thereof. The mini-challenge: take 10 minutes to create a scandalous paparazzi look for a 3-shot photo shoot.

Not one, not two, but, three girls decide to include some sort of "accidental" crotch shot à la Brittney/Paris/everyone. Carmen puts the most work into it, talking about how to make a tuck look like a vagina...which I chose not to try to visualize. Shangela goes a more comedic route by sticking some sort of fluffy hair down there. And...somebody (everybody?) else just wears a really short dress.

Manila opts for an outfit that looks like a panda. Like Ru, I didn't see the panda-ness until it was pointed out by Manila herself.

Raja does a battered woman look. I think if this drag thing doesn't work out, she's got a lock on a role in a zombie film.

And, wooow, Alexis Matteo sets the male model's head into her cleavage while Stacy just...leaves one of her (actual) nipples out. I swear Stacy is a woman. Was there any sort of vetting process here?

Can you tell which boobs are fake and which are real?

Alexis' are totally real, right? They're supposed to have that weird uniboob flap thing, right? RIGHT?

Carmen wins for her fake vagina and Stacy wins for her nip-slip and, as with the last few weeks, they become team captains. Carmen chooses Manila, Raja, Delta, and India. Stacy goes with Alexis, Shangela, Yara, and Mariah.

Raja says Chloe Sevigny is "a fashion icon at this point". I guess fashion icons at this point are people who wear really weird outfits that look like they were probably designed for a child in the 70s or 80s that sat around at a Goodwill for a few decades until she came across them, and always seem dangerously close to revealing a vagina. Oh, right, that's exactly what a fashion icon is. That, and the same thing but substituting 'the future' instead of the 70s and 80s.

The main challenge is to do a "live" "news" "broadcast". 2 gals from each time will be the main anchors, 1 a weather girl, 1 a gossip columnist, and 1 a roving reporter. Carmen leads her team the only way Carmen knows how: nakedly.

Manila is the winner this week. Though I wasn't a huge fan of her over-exaggerated Asian act during her interview, I won't begrudge her her win. I was particularly happy to see Shangela shine (she was a close second among the judges and Ru told her she was proud of her). She's just so damn likeable!

Unfortunately, India was a horrible, horrible weather girl, but, Yara, as usual, turned her accent from liability to advantage in her own weather presentation. I'm surprised she didn't make it into the top. Drag weather looks WAY more interesting than regular weather, BTW.

Is it raining men in California?

To get back to the fashion I mentioned earlier, witness the wonders of this week's runway:

I love a good reveal. And pineapple outfit.

India and Stacy lip sync to some song I'd never heard before called "Meeting in the Ladies Room". (I know, I know, how could I not have heard of the clearly awesome group Klymaxx?). India is sent home. I wanted to like her because she's from Ohio, but, she was just so low energy.

My current favorites: Shangela, Carmen, Raja, and Manila

50 Books in 2011: The Corrections

2011-02-16T19:24:00.000-05:00

Book 10 of 2011: the Corrections by Jonathan Franzen. I bought this book a few months ago because I foolishly thought I'd want to stick around after Franzen's talk (read: reading of an essay he wrote a few years ago for a different occasion) downtown to get it signed. I did not actually want to do that, so I lugged a huge hardcover with me downtown for no particular reason and for the past few weeks have been lugging it back and forth to work while trying to finish reading the damn thing.

Having read it, I can both see why people appreciate it (all of the characters and their frequently awful behavior feels very, very real. Well, except the parts about hallucinations involving anthropomorphic turds, because I have no experience with that and can't even really imagine it) and why some people don't (namely, that they don't like any of the characters. I don't find that I actually dislike them, at least not wholly, but I certainly had moments where I thought they were pretty awful people). I don't feel as though these characters are people I know, but I do believe they are people who exist.

This is another one of those modern books that seems to be screaming at its reader that marriage does not work out. And that people are assholes. And no one really understands anyone else. Or, they finally do understand someone else after it's way too late. In other words, it's a real joy.

It's not all bleak, of course. There are plenty of humorous or supposed-to-be-humorous moments to counter the veering into old-lady-in-Requiem-for-a-Dream territory. And I suppose the ending was not supposed to be depressing, but I'm not too sure. As usual, mixed feelings abound. At very least, I respect the undertaking and at least 75% of it was a good read.

I only wish we'd learned what became of Chip's corrections. And Lithuania.

Reality-TV-cap: RuPaul's Drag Race, S3E3

2011-02-10T14:56:00.001-05:00

Just so you know, the title of this episode is: Totally Leotarded.

The mini-challenge is to create leotards out of fancy-colored duct tape. Some of the creations are pretty impressive, including the winners, Manila and Carmen, who fashioned duct-tape-iPods complete with duct-tape-earbuds.

It was weird to see them do this challenge out of makeup/wigs--Mariah had pretty much a complete mustache and goatee (did she grow that in a DAY or what?). It was also weird that Yara Sofia decided to include green duct-tape-eyebrows and an orange duct-tape...mustache? in her outfit.

Anyway, like last week, the winners of the mini-challenge become opposing team captains in the main challenge. The main challenge? An exercise video! Excuse me, I mean, a TOTALLY LEOTARDED exercise video!

The plus-sized queens are none too pleased.

Teams are chosen (Manila, Raja, Shangela, Mimi, Alexis, and Stacy VS. Carmen, Delta, Mariah, Yara, and India). My appreciation for Carmen grew when her testimonial video thing showed her saying how great Delta is and that she just needs more self-confidence. This pleasantness didn't stop her from turning down the majority of her teammates' ideas or being kinda boring in her own segment of the video, however. But how could she compare to this?

Manila's team does a pretty fantastic job...except for Mimi, who, unsurprisingly, is just too over-the-top. I particularly liked Shangela's gospel flavor (Raja says she's always cute, just like a puppy--even when it's shitting on your carpet), but Stacy's "eating chicken with a shake weight" (I think they called it the "sit 'n shake"?) move was also top notch. I also liked Raja's man voice routine, though it reminded me a bit of someone...

If you can't quite make that out, it's Jim Carrey in "Buffed, Beautiful, and Bitchin' with Vera de Milo" from In Living Color. This episode's special guests, by the way, are Susan Powter and LaToya Jackson. I'm starting to wonder if Manila is actually excited by these people, or if she just can't help but freak out at any announcement:

Carmen's team is not so exciting. Delta was OK; India had NO energy; Mariah's was just strange; and Carmen seemed to be going for a legitimate workout video instead of a hilarious drag queen workout video. Yara, however, was hilarious. The judges end up considering everyone individually instead of as a team, but if they'd chosen a winning team, I have no doubt it would've been Manila's.

This week brought a few new vocabulary words and special guests LaToya Jackson and Susan Powter.

It also had more than its fair share of wardrobe malfunctions.

And after spending the entire episode trying to figure out who Carmen was reminding me of, I finally figured it out: Gretchen from Real Housewives of the OC.

Alexis is the winner for the second week in a row, while Mimi and India end up in the bottom two. During the lip sync, India walks down from the stage toward the judges, where Mimi follows her, then hoists her up onto her shoulders and back to the stage. You would think that after the girls were chastised for getting too physical during the first week's lip sync, no one would touch the other competitor, but you'd be very, very wrong. Mimi is told that drag is not a contact sport and she sashays away.

On the one hand, I feel bad for her, because she's had a tough life and seems like a nice person and she was more creative and interesting than India has been so far. On the other, she was pretty obnoxiously attention-demanding.

Reality-TV-cap: RuPaul's Drag Race, S3E2

2011-02-03T15:20:00.004-05:00

This week's episode of RuPaul's Drag Race did not include a new vocabulary word, but, in its place we got like a thousand times more fake boob-age.

Plus, Lilly Tomlin was around for some reason!

This week's odd mini-challenge: ESP. The girls pair up and stand on opposite sides of a wall. One puts on a wig and a boa and holds a stuffed...cat. The other has to say what color each thing is, as it is "communicated to them" through "ESP". In other words, they just blindly guess colors and rarely get it right. Some contestants got more into the whole thing than others:

Despite these spirited attempts by Manila and Mimi, it is Mariah and Phoenix who win. The reward? They are team captains for the main challenge: DRAG QUEENS IN SPAAAAAAAAACE. (Campy acting challenge!). They choose teams. Phoenix, Raja, Delta Work, India, Manila, and Carmen will make a trailer for From Earth to Uranus (you can guess how they choose to pronounce that), while Mariah, Yara, Alexis, Shangela, Stacy, and Mimi will do Return to Uranus.

Mimi pledges to deliver "Meryl Streep realness". I guess she must be talking about the realness Meryl Streep would provide to the role of a loony over-the-top showboat trying to play the role of a campy hermaphrodite for a challenge on a LogoTV reality show...in which case, well done.

On Team Phoenix, Delta's acting is pretty bad, but Phoenix is pretty much the worst. Where everyone else is completely over the top (though not as far over as Mimi, surely), she's barely even present.

Mariah is the main drag (see what I did there?) on her team--she casts herself in the main role, but constantly needs to be fed her lines. Team Mariah pulls it out, though, with Shangela and Alexis declared the winners. Winners of some stuff from "Boobsforqueens.com", which is apparently a thing.

Despite Carmen's outfit being a mess (see her trying to keep her hair on by craning her neck strangely above), she is safe, while Delta Work and Phoenix must lip sync for their lives. To Lady Gaga, of course.

Phoenix is sent home and it definitely felt like the right decision. She just seemed...cold. Her acting was lifeless and, I mean, look at her.

Not only that, but as Shangela sort of mentioned, she seemed more like a guy in a dress than a queen. Delta's acting was bad, and her outfit was lame, but her performances still have life to them.

And she looks kinda Jennifer Coolidge-y to me sometimes. I leave you with my fav, Raja.

50 Books in 2011: MiniShopaholic

2011-02-02T20:49:00.000-05:00

Can't believe I'm already posting about book #8, but, I suppose most of them have been rather easy reads, this included. Back when I first started this whole 50 books in a year thing, someone suggested I read the first in this series. I enjoyed it well enough, so I felt I might as well read the others. It's been awhile now since I read the other 5 (yes, 5) and I must say that my tolerance for Rebecca Brandon (née Bloomwood) has waned a bit since then. Rebecca is quite an annoying lead character who constantly does amazingly stupid things. If she wasn't such a shopaholic, I think the books could easily be called the pathological liar, though that's not quite as jaunty. Then again, despite her predicaments getting WAY out of hand, I can usually vibe with the sentiments behind her crazy behavior.

Plus, the people around her are all pretty wonderful and their relationships always end up being quite touching, even in the midst of complete ridiculousness. I suppose she means well, and the supporting characters love her for it.

I have a feeling I'll be mentioning this series again in a year or two, since it is very clearly set up to continue--a loose end is dangling with a relative AND they're moving from England to Hollywood. God help us.

I expect a chapter will involve her knocking over the Hollywood sign or somehow accidentally vandalizing the celebrity footprints. Or maybe she'll start a wildfire? No, no, these are a little too big. She'll probably just wear a fur and end up with PETA after her or something and somehow get involved with a reality show.

I just hope she realizes quickly to stop calling herself "Rebecca Brandon née Bloomwood". That kind of shit doesn't fly on this side of the pond. Everyone would just think she was saying her name was Rebecca Bradonnay-Bloomwood or Rebecca Brandon-Naybloomwood because they'd never heard anyone use "née" before...

Obvious News of the Day: You Shouldn't Eat Toxic Waste Nuclear Sludge Candy

2011-02-02T20:13:00.001-05:00

Here's the title in question, a bit bigger:

Wait a second, is this article telling me that Toxic Waste Nuclear Sludge Candy is NOT something I should eat? But it sounds amazingly nutritious and delicious and is totally not something I'd only just heard of at this very moment!

"Candy Dynamics of Indianapolis expanded its recall to include all Toxic Waste brand Nuclear Sludge products after testing showed some of it had lead in levels higher than allowed by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration."

Sorry, everyone, but you can't buy "Nuclear Sludge Chew Bars" anymore. You'll have to get your probably bad-tasting lead fix elsewhere for the time being. Might I suggest sucking on a cheap Chinese toy from the dollar store? Or settle for un-leaded (that we know of) toxic waste drums of sour candy, or "Hi-Voltage" or "Short Circuit" gum, since no other "Toxic Waste®" brand product, besides those labeled "Nuclear Sludge®" is affected by this recall. Look, it comes in a 1,000-count bag!!

It's never too early to get ready for Halloween.

Oh, it IS too early to get ready for Halloween?

Damn.

Does Toxic Waste Sour Candy make a good Valentine?

It seems like this company is just trying too hard to compete with whoever makes those Nuclear Warheads candies.

In other AOL-sourced news, it seems I've been missing out on a fantastic turn-of-phrase: "eating his/her/its lunch".

I would think that "eating someone's lunch" would be a euphemism for annoying them, not, as it seems to mean here, pwning them. If someone ate my lunch, I wouldn't think that they were totally getting the better of me, I'd think that they were assholes who can't read the passive-aggressive signage all over the office fridge and bring their own damn food.

Stay the fuck away from my lunch, Apple, or I'll start doing silly sitcom shit like rigging booby traps or using invisible paint that glows under a blacklight to catch you in the act or making sure my germs are all over it. THAT's what you do when someone eats your lunch. You don't launch a portable gaming device with a weird acronym. You got that, Sony?